I was interviewing a client recently about writing her will, and asked her, as a matter of course, whether she had any specific burial requests. “Yes,” she said. “I’d like to be composted.” I was intrigued. She had read about it, and sent me a link to Promessa, a Swedish company that is promoting ecologically sound burials. There are groups in the United States that are promoting both environmentally sound funerals (e.g. lack of embalming) and burials. They aren’t necessarily … read more »
A Lesson from Tangier
I just came back from vacation in Spain. As part of our adventure, my husband and I took a train from Sevilla to the south coast, and a ferry across the Strait of Gibraltar to Tangier, Morocco. We only stayed overnight, but in that short time, I learned a lesson. The guidebooks warn you about the hustlers who see the tourist as an easy target. For that reason, many tourists only come for a day trip, hiring guides in advance … read more »
Creative Parenting Plans
Parents often ask me how they should structure the time children spend with each parent. That depends a lot on what the children are used to, how involved each parent was before the divorce, how attached they are to each parent, and the parents’ schedule. It also varies based upon whether the parent is really available – will they be with the parent or with a babysitter? Yesterday I wrote about Robert Emery. His site also includes some creative ideas … read more »
A Children’s Bill of Rights for Divorce
I read a custody case today which incorporated a Children’s Bill of Rights into her decision. MMH v William D.H. (Fam Ct, Dutchess Co, 3/5/10). While I have seen the Bill of Rights incorporated into separation agreements, I’ve never seen it incorporated into a judgment. I started to scout around and found several slightly different versions on the internet – from divorcehq, one written on about.com, kids in the middle, divorce central. But my favorite, for its completeness and simplicity, … read more »
Tweeting
Today I joined Twitter. Gotta go with the flow! follow me at @joymediator. Still thinking of what to say in 140 characters …
Elder Decisions
My mediation partner, Jane Ginsberg, PsyD, and I, led two workshops on Cape Cod this week regarding elder decisions. Both workshops were well attended, both by caregivers and by elders themselves. I was amazed to see how quickly people opened up to us and to each other. Some of their concerns were logistical – for instance, about where they might live, or whether they should still drive. There were also concerns about being lonely, and about the ongoing grief of … read more »
Divorce Mediation, NY Times Style
Recently, the New York Times published an Op-Ed piece, written by Prof. Stephanie Coontz, about the proposed legislation permitting no-fault divorce in New York State. The article, entitled Divorce, No-Fault Style, points out that New York State is the only state that requires fault, making it more difficult for couples to get divorced. But it is the last 2 paragraphs that I found to be the most important, because they are about divorce mediation. Here is my favorite quote, citing … read more »
The Sandwich Generation – How Not To Get Smushed
Last time I wrote about my Smith College reunion. Well, another classmate and I led a workshop together about caregiving for our elderly parents. We talked about the challenges that face many of our generation – we love our parents and feel responsible, but have other demands on our lives (work, children, relationships). There were a couple of themes that emerged: How do we set boundaries? Should we move our parents near us, or should we move near them? How … read more »
The Next 10 – or 20 – or 30 Years
I went to my {gulp} 30th Smith College reunion last weekend (OK, I’ll upload a photo separately). Jill Ker Conway spoke to our class — she’d been president of the college when we were there. She said that we should not look forward to retiring at the age of 62, or 65 — those numbers were established as retirement age when the life expectancy was about 68. But now the life expectancy is much longer – and we should expect … read more »
Estate Planning as a Family Conversation
The NY Times ran a terrific article last week about the value of talking about your estate plan with your family. Although it may cause some friction at the time, it gives family members a chance to vent, to speak their piece, and it gives parents (or whomever is doing the planning) an opportunity to explain their thinking. Many parents leave their estate to be divided equally among their children. While this is logical, and appears fair on the surface, … read more »
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