“Lawyers make things worse!” I sometimes say to my clients. “They can take people who are this far apart,” I say with my hands about 4 inches away from each other, “and make them this far apart by the time they’re through!” continuing with my hands still facing each other but my arms stretched about 3 feet away. This may seem like blasphemy coming from a lawyer! And I mean no disrespect to my colleagues – but it’s part of … read more »
Learning and Teaching
I just finished teaching Family Law for the third semester in a row at the CUNY School of Law. Every semester, I learn almost as much as I teach. It is a pleasure to have a beginner’s mind, as they say – to remember what it is like to NOT know. CUNY students are particularly inspiring – many are going back to school after or while they are working, and there is always a wide range of life experiences … read more »
Seeing Red
Did you ever get in an argument with someone that was so intense that you couldn’t see a way out? Did you ever do things in a moment of rage that you regretted later? The emotions seem to take over. I certainly have. When I was young, I was hot-headed! I’ve done things I am not proud of. And I’ve seen it with clients, too. In fact, one such incident was the reason I got interested in mediation. About 16 … read more »
You Might Have more in Common with Bill and Melinda Than You Think…
Bill and Melinda Gates recently announced that they are divorcing after 27 years. Besides having to address their billions of dollars and their enormously influential foundation, this has brought attention to issues of a mature (or “gray”) divorce. Like many other couples, they waited until their youngest child is about to go off on her own. And they, like so many others, have to plan for a very different future. Divorcing later in life comes up more often than you … read more »
Mother’s Day 2021
Today is Mother’s Day, 2021. I am thinking about what it means to be a daughter to my mother, and a mother to my daughter. I am thinking about my grandmother, Ida, who taught me about unconditional love and hard work, and about my other grandmother, Cecile, who taught me how to express your love through cooking and knitting. I think about the ways I mother my nieces and nephews, my young friends, and about those who have mothered me … read more »
Like a deer in headlights?
Lisa sat in my office and cried silently for half an hour straight. I had invited Lisa and Steve to an introductory meeting to explain the divorce mediation process. He had just asked for the divorce, and she looked like a deer caught in the headlights. At the end of the meeting, she looked over at him and asked, “How did we get here?” Months later, when they actually started the process, her demeanor was very different. By then, Lisa … read more »
Layers of Sound
I have been meditating for a few years, and was part of a workshop recently where the facilitator had us listen to “layers of sound.” I didn’t understand what she was talking about at first. It sounded a little mysterious, and a little woo woo…. But I decided to try what she was asking. And it’s not hard – I’ll show you. (This is an interactive blog post!) Listen – right now – first, to the sounds that are farthest … read more »
Strength, Courage and Wisdom
Strength, courage, and wisdom And it’s been inside of me all along Strength, courage, and wisdom Inside of me… India Arie I don’t think there is any question but that 2020 was one of the toughest years on record. Was it for you? It certainly was for me. The year brought one challenge after another – personally and professionally. Everything shut down so quickly! We thought it was going to last a few weeks… and now it’s been over a … read more »
As I Live and Breathe…
In early February, before the whole world turned upside-down, I traveled to a tiny village on the Pacific coast of Mexico to attend an intensive, week-long training for conflict resolution professionals from around the world. Led by master trainer Gary Friedman of the Center for Understanding in Conflict and Zoketsu Norman Fischer of the Everyday Zen Center, the program was called Inside Out: Conflict and Compassion. We were there to look deeply at our reactions to the conflicts we witness … read more »
We Hear What We Want to Hear!
But how did you flunk the test? We studied together! I know you were prepared!” Katie and I were study buddies during our first semester in law school. I had no idea what to expect on the exam, and I had been worried. But Katie had been so confident. She and I had gone over all of the cases for our Constitutional Law class, which focused on the civil rights cases. She knew the facts, the holdings and reasoning that … read more »
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