Lisa sat in my office and cried silently for half an hour straight. I had invited Lisa and Steve to an introductory meeting to explain the divorce mediation process. He had just asked for the divorce, and she looked like a deer caught in the headlights. At the end of the meeting, she looked over at him and asked, “How did we get here?” Months later, when they actually started the process, her demeanor was very different. By then, Lisa … read more »
Divorce — Many Separations
Divorce is a long process of transforming your family from one unit into two. There are actually several kinds of separation occurring during this process. The first stage is the emotional separation. One or both of you may feel detached, alone or disconnected – for some reason, the unit is no longer functioning the way you had hoped or expected that it would. The feeling of “living together alone” may be real at this point. Then there is the physical … read more »
A Children’s Bill of Rights for Divorce
I read a custody case today which incorporated a Children’s Bill of Rights into her decision. MMH v William D.H. (Fam Ct, Dutchess Co, 3/5/10). While I have seen the Bill of Rights incorporated into separation agreements, I’ve never seen it incorporated into a judgment. I started to scout around and found several slightly different versions on the internet – from divorcehq, one written on about.com, kids in the middle, divorce central,. But my favorite, for its completeness and simplicity, … read more »
The 6 Relationships …
I just returned from the ACR (Association for Conflict Resolution) annual conference, which really opened my eyes in a lot of ways. But one thing I wanted to share tonight was a concept from Stephen Reynolds, a mediator in Santa Cruz, CA with Common Ground Mediation Services. He comes from a business background, and had an interesting, analytical view of committed relationships. His view is that each committed relationship really has 6 relationships going on at once. In no particular … read more »
Different Time Zones
I’ve been doing a few mediations lately where the timing of the partners is way out of sync. It often happens in divorce that one person can’t wait and the other is dragging his/her feet. So what do you do? Well, as my friend Rachel Green says, “A train can only go as fast as its slowest wheel.” Mediation is a voluntary process. and it must be done in tandem, so the rabbit has no choice but wait for the … read more »
The Four Divorces
It has been said that people go through several different divorces – emotional, social, physical and legal. The couple that was once connected in a million different ways now has to learn how to untangle. The first three apply whether the couple was legally married or not. Even though divorce only applies to people who are legally married, there may be legal issues that arise when unmarried couples split up, as well. Emotional divorce occurs when the couple is no … read more »