My mother, Esther Edelman Rowland, turned 100 last weekend, and we’ve had a series of parties to celebrate. I wanted to let you know a little bit about her. Growing up during the Great Depression and the time of the Spanish Civil War, she developed a political awareness and a commitment to equality and social justice. She attended City College, the University of Wisconsin, and received her Master’s Degree in Political Science from Columbia University. She met my father, Lewis … read more »
First and Second Wives’ Club
In a few days, I will gather with Darryl’s family for a few days in the Caribbean. (Darryl and I were married for 16 years until he died in 2020, at the beginning of the COVID-19 outbreak.) I’m thrilled to still be included in family gatherings, and I can’t wait to see everyone. But I am especially excited that the gathering will also include Darryl’s first wife, Elaine. She and Darryl had the most amazing post-divorce relationship. Elaine lived in … read more »
Should I Stay or Should I Go?
I received a response to last week’s email (about Good Trouble) that I found really moving, so I thought you might want to read it. I think it brings into focus what is in that back of the minds of many. The author is a former client, who gave me permission to share this. Dear Joy, I am so torn. I am the granddaughter of Holocaust survivors…while some people made the scary and uncertain decision to leave Europe as rumors … read more »
Small miracles
My Mom used to call my wonderful Dad, ‘the absent-minded professor.’ I called him the luckiest unlucky person I’d ever met. He lost his wallet in the cab again and again and always got it back. He left his laptop on the plane and got that back, too. He had some kind of karma, I guess. Dad worked for Columbia University, and one of the perks was a parking space in a lot near his home on 113th Street. A … read more »
In With The New
I moved to Brooklyn to live with Darryl towards the end of 2003. We made our home together a 3-bedroom pre-war apartment in Windsor Terrace, right near Prospect Park. We loved having family stay with us and having friends over. Our dogs introduced us to wonderful neighbors. Darryl knew every coffee shop in the neighborhood, and I got to know the paths in Prospect Park like the back of my hand. We spent our days apart and came together in … read more »
Love is simple. Love is complicated.
Several years ago, I was doing a will for a client whose wife had Alzheimer’s Disease. She didn’t recognize him anymore, yet, he was committed to caring for her at home. He ensured she had the round-the-clock nursing care she needed, allowing him to go out during the day. We talked about the documents he would need and his legacy. At the end of the meeting, I got up from the conference table to see him out. He continued to … read more »
Happy birthday, Mom!
I want to take this moment to give a shout out to my mom, Esther Rowland, who turns 98 today. You’d never know it to look at her – she certainly doesn’t act her age. Mom is one of the busiest people I know: she is a member of 2 writing groups, 2 book groups and a storytelling group. And she manages to do those things in between her Pilates class, her physical therapist and her dates with several friends … read more »
Traveling with the kids
Today is the beginning of the February school break in NYC, so I thought I’d share some ideas about traveling with the kids when you are co-parenting. There’s a balance between protecting your privacy and respecting your co-parent’s right to know where and how their child is. The general rule of thumb, I think, is to use the Golden Rule (‘do unto others as you would have others do unto you’). In other words, think about what you would want … read more »
Introducing your New Special Someone
One of the significant parts of the divorce experience is when the ex-spouse’s parents begin to date others. This affects everyone – the parent who is in the new relationship, the parent who is NOT in the new relationship, and the child. When this comes up in mediation, it’s usually because it was not handled well. So I thought it might be helpful to share a few ideas (culled from the experts*) about how to talk to your kids about … read more »
A Little Advice From Our Friends…
I got some amazing responses last week from parents who’ve been divorced for a while, so I’m sharing them below. Please share this with anyone who might use the advice! (Warning: this is a little long…) Strategic Holiday Allocation for the Sake of the Kids We remember the divvying up of holidays was fairly simple. Not unemotional, but we really handled it in a way that made sense for everyone, especially the kids. It was really about which holidays were … read more »
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