Today is the beginning of the February school break in NYC, so I thought I’d share some ideas about traveling with the kids when you are co-parenting. There’s a balance between protecting your privacy and respecting your co-parent’s right to know where and how their child is.
The general rule of thumb, I think, is to use the Golden Rule (‘do unto others as you would have others do unto you’). In other words, think about what you would want if your co-parent were traveling with the children, and you were staying home. But here are a few specific suggestions – please let me know if you have more – I’d love to hear them.
Permission vs. Notice in Co-Parenting
Distinguish between things you need your co-parent’s permission for (e.g. missing school or parenting days of the other parent to travel) and things you should give notice of (e.g. where the children are staying).
Types of Travel and Planning
There’s also a difference between travel you might do frequently (e.g. going to see extended family, even if it is far, or travel within the tri-state area) and unusual travel (e.g. a special trip to Europe).
Legal Documents
Make sure you have the child’s passport if traveling internationally. If the child doesn’t have your last name, you may need to bring proof of parentage, such as a birth certificate.
The US Customs and Border Protection recommends that you have a Child Travel Consent letter signed and notarized by both parents which gives the child’s legal name, birth date and place of birth, both parents’ contact information, travel arrangements, your destination, and passport info.
If you are the parent staying at home, make sure you cooperate in providing this to the traveling parent.
Notice
Give your co-parent as much notice as possible, especially if you are traveling far away, or to a different country.
Itinerary
Give your co-parent the specific itinerary information, including where and when you will travel, and how you will get there. If you’re traveling by plane, give them the flight and hotel information.
Communication
Let your co-parent know when you’ve arrived safely. And if your trip involves different destinations, let them know each time you’ve relocated.
Pre- and Post-Trip Arrangements
Make time for your children to periodically contact the parent who is staying home or vice versa and make it a priority, so your co-parent isn’t worried. Let your co-parent know when they can expect to hear from you and the children. (Think about how you would feel if you were the parent staying home!)
Make arrangements for the children to spend time with your co-parent before and after the trip, especially if you’re going to be away for a long time.
Emergency Protocols
If, heaven forbid, there is an emergency while you are traveling, let the other parent know immediately, and give them as much information as you can about it.
Informing Co-Parent About Personal Travel
Also, don’t forget to tell your co-parent when you are traveling without the children, and make sure they can reach you if an emergency arises.
Do you have any other suggestions? If so, I’ll share them!
Happy trails!