One of the significant parts of the divorce experience is when the ex-spouse’s parents begin to date others. This affects everyone – the parent who is in the new relationship, the parent who is NOT in the new relationship, and the child. When this comes up in mediation, it’s usually because it was not handled well. So I thought it might be helpful to share a few ideas (culled from the experts*) about how to talk to your kids about … read more »
How to Keep Divorce Costs Down – Even When You Are Litigating
One of the things that amazes me about the divorce process is how expensive it is. Let’s start with the lawyer’s hourly rates. Who charges like that? Your plumber might charge about $150/hour. The car mechanic might charge about the same, or a little less. Therapists charge a lot, and many don’t take insurance. Doctors often charge more, but they do take health insurance. But I don’t know any other service provider who works with individuals who charge $400, $500, … read more »
Financial Empowerment For Women After Divorce
I’ve been working with several couples lately where one spouse makes plenty of money – more than enough to support the family – and the other makes very little, if at all. Stereotypically, of course, it’s a husband who’s earning and the wife who isn’t, but I’ve seen this happen where the situation is reversed, in same-sex couples, both male and female. The lower-earning spouse is usually doing more with the children and managing the household by dealing with bills, … read more »
Does it ever make sense for folks to have joint custody of the pet?
Last week, I wrote about the evolution in thinking about pets in divorce, and the fact that we are thinking of pets less as property and more as members of the family. In fact, New York (among a few other states) now considers the best interests of the pet in pet custody disputes. Today I want to extend that question – would it ever be appropriate to have joint custody of the dog or cat? We often ask children to … read more »
Who gets custody of the dog?
There are several ways in which legal thinking differs from common sense, and one of them has to do with the way we think about our pets. Or at least this was true in New York until recently. Dogs, cats, and turtles were all treated like sofas, chairs, and TV sets – that is, as personal property. The only value they were given (in legal decisions) was their monetary value. But one look at your dog looking at you with … read more »
Rising mortgage rates and upstairs neighbors
Mortgage rates are soaring up to 8%! If you’re not planning to buy a new home, you might be saying “Who cares?” Or you might be gloating a little bit (like I am) thinking, “Wow, I’m so glad I got my mortgage when the rates were low. It’s proof that I’m just brilliant!” But for people who are getting divorced, the rise in mortgage rates has some very real – and sometimes difficult – consequences. Why? The conversation about what … read more »
Rebuilding Your Legacy: Updating Your Estate Plan During and After a Divorce
(written collaboratively by Estate Planning Attorney Leslie Sultan, Esq.) Are you (or someone you love) going through a divorce? Don’t forget to think about your estate plan along the way. This article will cover a few steps to ensure that your assets go to your children and your loved ones (and not your Ex!). Although there are some things you may be able to do on your own, it is always best to talk to an experienced professional who can … read more »
I don’t really want to fight no more…
I’ve been watching a lot of videos of Tina Turner this week. She is so awesome. Other people seem to be focusing on her voice or her hits or her legs or her hair, but I’m focusing on how she kept reinventing her life and writing her own ticket for how she wanted to live. She didn’t let society (or Ike) limit who she was. She didn’t let trauma define her. I want to be like Tina. I want us … read more »
How to Win at Divorce (and Life) … IMHO
A few weeks ago, I attended an online conference called “How to Win At Divorce.” This seemed like a strange proposition. After all, what does it mean to “win” at divorce?? Honestly, I thought the presentations would all be about how to get as much out of your ex as possible, positioning them as the enemy. Thankfully, that’s not what they did. But it made me really think about the question. (Ok, I just asked Chat GPT how to win … read more »
The River Bends
Have you ever felt like your whole world was upended? When it felt like the rug was pulled out from under your feet, and the firm ground you thought you were standing on suddenly disappeared? It’s happened to me twice – when my first husband died suddenly in 2001, and 3 years ago when my second husband, Darryl Alladice, died in the beginning of the Covid pandemic. When some big (often unexpected) life event would happen Darryl would say, “The river bends.” Well, … read more »
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