Compassionate lawyer??? Doesn’t that sound like an oxymoron? How do those 2 words go together? I’m learning about branding. That is my new tag. OK, let’s take a step back. In one of my past lives, when I was young and was trying to figure out how to make a positive impact on the world, I studied world religions in the Masters program at Harvard Divinity School. Although it was an amazing experience in many ways, I couldn’t figure out … read more »
PS – Thanks for the Invitation!
I’ve taken to watching TikTok videos to wind down before I go to sleep. I love the music and the stupid dad jokes and the dancing and the cute dog videos (have you seen scruffabella?). But I’ve also started watching Cory Booker, who shares stories about kindness and compassion after his morning run. This video is about 9 seconds. It’s for those among us who are confronted by people who get on our last nerve. For those who spend time … read more »
When One Door Closes…
I am helping a friend move out of her house this week. She is packing up her big house to move to an apartment far away. The move makes sense in so many ways, and she knows it, but that doesn’t make it easier. I take down her family photos so she doesn’t have to remember so many moments. A set of dishes goes into storage in wait for her daughter. So do the teddy bears and the favorite books. … read more »
7 Tips for Parents Talking to the Kids About Divorce or Separation
I’ve recently been helping some parents think through how and when to talk to their children about their divorce. Here are some tips I’ve come up with – it’s based on years of reading and working with parents. – please share it with your spouse! 7 Tips for Parents Talking to Kids About Divorce or Separation Plan. Talk with your spouse first and plan out how and when you are going to have this talk. Your children will remember this … read more »
The New York City Family Courts are Clogged Worse Than the BQE at Rush Hour
I filed two uncontested divorces in early February 2021 in Manhattan Supreme Court, and neither of them have been signed yet. That is nearly 13 months. It is stressful for my clients, and has a real economic impact, because they cannot transfer or access their retirement accounts until their judgment of divorce is signed. — But that is nothing compared to what is going on in Family Court. I worked in the Family Courts for 10 years before I became … read more »
Working with Financial Neutrals
One of the hardest problems that a divorcing couple may face is how to divide up marital property. Each spouse makes a list of everything they own and everything they owe. This is called a Net Worth Statement. Then the court – or the spouses – must decide which property is separate (which that spouse will keep) and which is marital (or joint) and will have to get divided. As you can imagine, this can be emotional, and may be a … read more »
Who Wears the Pants in Your Family?
When I was growing up, the expectation for middle-class marriages (which were always between women and men) was that it was the man’s job to earn enough money to support the family, and it was the woman’s job was to have children and to contribute to the economy by spending money. [Of course, I recognize that working-class women (particularly those of color) have always worked.] Couples were expected to stay married for life, and it was very difficult to get … read more »
Breaking the news to the kids
Are you the child of a divorce? If so, do you remember when you realized that your parents were separating? My guess is that you do.What do you remember about it–Do you remember what room you were in? Or what you heard? What did you feel? Who comforted you? What was said? Did your parents tell you or did you overhear something? Was it in the context of an argument or was it presented to you calmly? Did your parents … read more »
Love Me or Leave Me!
I recently had the privilege of being interviewed by my colleagues, Isaiah Vallejo-Juste, Esq. and Meredith Shirey, LCSW for their podcast, Love Me or Leave Me.Isaiah is a divorce litigator, and Meredith is a couples therapist. I have a lot of respect for them both–we all work with NewYork City families, but approach our work in different ways. I thought they did a great job distilling my comments and getting to the heart of what mediation is and how I … read more »
Lawyers Make Things Worse!
“Lawyers make things worse!” I sometimes say to my clients. “They can take people who are this far apart,” I say with my hands about 4 inches away from each other, “and make them this far apart by the time they’re through!” continuing with my hands still facing each other but my arms stretched about 3 feet away. This may seem like blasphemy coming from a lawyer! And I mean no disrespect to my colleagues – but it’s part of … read more »
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