This week, I gave a presentation to the National Association of Divorce Professionals Special Needs Chapter on the advantages of using mediation for parents of children with special needs. The biggest takeaway is that mediation can help parents create a nuanced parenting plan tailored to the specific needs of everyone in their family, whereas the litigation process may be much more rigid and limited. Parents know their children’s needs better than any lawyers or a judge ever could. So they … read more »
New Caps on Child Support and Alimony
Almost every time I go to a conference of my peers in New York State, someone comes up to me, looks at my name tag, and says, “You’re Joy Rosenthal? I can’t believe I get to meet you in person!” It makes me feel like a rock star for a second. In fact, once I was at a Continuing Legal Education class and introduced myself during the break to one of the matrimonial law judges who was teaching it. When … read more »
An Impossible Choice … An Amazing Solution
A friend brought this article to my attention and I thought to share it with you – An IVF Mixup, a Shocking Discovery, and an Unbearable Choice. It came out on the NY Times website this week and will be in the Sunday Magazine. You can also listen to it. (If you don’t subscribe to the NYTimes, you can use this link.) This, like last week’s story, shows how tender, significant, and complicated our family relationships are. I am in … read more »
Be Like Kids
A friend asked me recently how I became good at being a divorce mediator when my own parents were happily married for 65 years. That was an interesting question. I thought about both my personal and my personal experiences. My parents didn’t divorce, but my brothers did. And I’d been particularly sensitive to how it had affected their young children, whom I adored (and still do!). No matter what was going on between the adults, the kids were loyal to … read more »
Embryos: children or property?
Are frozen embryos that have never been implanted in a human uterus, children, or property? I have written divorce agreements with clauses about the disposition of frozen embryos – and always under the heading “Personal Property.” I’ve never had clients suggest that they should be anywhere else. Yet the recent Alabama decision that the embryos in that case were “children” who were “killed” and subject to a wrongful death lawsuit is sending shock waves through the country. Here’s how it … read more »
Traveling with the kids
Today is the beginning of the February school break in NYC, so I thought I’d share some ideas about traveling with the kids when you are co-parenting. There’s a balance between protecting your privacy and respecting your co-parent’s right to know where and how their child is. The general rule of thumb, I think, is to use the Golden Rule (‘do unto others as you would have others do unto you’). In other words, think about what you would want … read more »
Does this register?
“There shouldn’t be a registry for weddings, there should be one for divorces,” a client said recently. These days, many people actually need very little when they are getting married, either because they had established their own homes as adults or because they were already living together. It’s when the relationship is ending that they need help. One divorcing spouse has to buy new beds and sofas and cutting boards and sheets and pots and pans. Some couples carefully divide … read more »
Helping your kids deal with difficult news
The world has changed in a week – all of the news is about grief, chaos, and fear. And even though it isn’t happening so much here, it feels very close, doesn’t it? How do we talk with our children in such a time? I wanted to share a few resources about how to talk to children about the violence in Israel and Gaza that might be helpful. Dr. Jamie Howard on CBS Morning Show (9 min video) NPR’s Becky … read more »
A Little Advice From Our Friends…
I got some amazing responses last week from parents who’ve been divorced for a while, so I’m sharing them below. Please share this with anyone who might use the advice! (Warning: this is a little long…) Strategic Holiday Allocation for the Sake of the Kids We remember the divvying up of holidays was fairly simple. Not unemotional, but we really handled it in a way that made sense for everyone, especially the kids. It was really about which holidays were … read more »
‘Who’s Your Mama?’ Gets More Complicated…
This week I want to talk about 2 terrible recent decisions involving lesbian moms – and some information about how lesbian families can and should protect themselves. The first was a case in Oklahoma – Kris and Rebekah decided to have a baby together. They searched for a known donor and found Harlan, who lived in Texas. Rebekah (who was to be the birth mom) and Harlan signed a donor agreement and he provided the sperm. The 2 women got … read more »
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