This week, I gave a presentation to the National Association of Divorce Professionals Special Needs Chapter on the advantages of using mediation for parents of children with special needs. The biggest takeaway is that mediation can help parents create a nuanced parenting plan tailored to the specific needs of everyone in their family, whereas the litigation process may be much more rigid and limited. Parents know their children’s needs better than any lawyers or a judge ever could. So they … read more »
With A Little Help from Our Friends …
Sometimes help comes from unexpected places, like in this delightful post I saw on LinkedIn this week. It is short but uplifting – literally and figuratively! (And don’t you just love how she comes back to say thank you??) Elephant rescue! How have people come through for you at times of need? When my life has been in crisis, I’ve found that friends and family have shown up in amazing ways. But what surprised me was how virtual strangers showed … read more »
The River Bends
Have you ever felt like your whole world was upended? When it felt like the rug was pulled out from under your feet, and the firm ground you thought you were standing on suddenly disappeared? It’s happened to me twice – when my first husband died suddenly in 2001, and 3 years ago when my second husband, Darryl Alladice, died in the beginning of the Covid pandemic. When some big (often unexpected) life event would happen Darryl would say, “The river bends.” Well, … read more »
Sometimes Hope is In a Cowbell.
Remember three years ago, when the shutdown happened and we were hiding in our apartments, scared to go outside… Scared to breathe on each other. Scared to go to the grocery store. Scared we were going to run out of toilet paper. (smile). Remember all of that? I sat down to watch Jeopardy! the other day, noticing that it was light out because of Daylight Savings Time. I looked at the cow bell and the pliers still sitting on the shelf … read more »
Mother’s Day 2021
Today is Mother’s Day, 2021. I am thinking about what it means to be a daughter to my mother, and a mother to my daughter. I am thinking about my grandmother, Ida, who taught me about unconditional love and hard work, and about my other grandmother, Cecile, who taught me how to express your love through cooking and knitting. I think about the ways I mother my nieces and nephews, my young friends, and about those who have mothered me … read more »
Love in the Time of Coronavirus
Coronavirus is showing us how incredibly connected we ALL are. Who knew that we are only six degrees of separation from the good people of Wuhan, China? Or that Italy, South Korea, Japan and Iran are actually neighbors? We are all, actually, so close. And, of course, we are learning that the virus does not seem to care who is rich or poor, what race or religion we are, who we love or what we believe. What matters is that … read more »
Finally, A Better Definition of Family
New York’s highest court, the New York State Court of Appeals, made a long overdue and unquestionably important decision last month—that a de facto parent who is not a biological or adoptive parent has standing to petition for custody and visitation. This comes up in the context of same-sex relationships where one parent is related to the child biologically, where the parents have raised the children together but are not married. The issue is whether, if they break up, the … read more »
Second Parent Adoptions are Still Necessary!
The NY Times’ Motherlode blog ran an article today about 2nd parent adoptions, and Judge Lopez Torres’ recent decision to deny a petition for such when the adoptive parents were married. Here is my comment (which they also published): I am an attorney who does second parent adoptions. I have completed and filed several such adoptions in New York State since Judge Lopez Torres’ decision was published – parallel courts recognize them as still being necessary. While Judge Lopez Torres’ … read more »
Can a child have 3 parents?
We all know that a child can only have 2 biological parents – a man and a woman. But we also know that biology is only a small part of the story. Every child is connected to more adults – as they say, “it takes a village to raise a child.” Many children are actually being raised by more than 2 parents — step parents, grandparents, friends and partners can play an important role in the financial and emotional … read more »
Parenting Schedules – Equal Time with Each Parent
While parents may agree to share parenting time 50/50, there are a myriad ways to structure the schedule to meet your and your children’s needs. Younger children need shorter but more frequent time with each parent (switching, for instance, every 2-3 days), while it may be easier for older children to change less often, perhaps spending a week with each parent. Having a predictable and structured schedule helps everyone manage their expectations, but it is also a good idea to … read more »