This is a piece I wish I didn’t have to write … again. But I’m back on my soapbox: Lesbian moms need second-parent adoptions to protect the relationship between the child and the non-biological mom. Both parents need to have equal legal rights when it comes to their children. No ifs, and, or buts about it. Having both mothers’ names on the baby’s birth certificate is not proof enough. Being legally married to the biological mother protects the relationship … read more »
‘Who’s Your Mama?’ Gets More Complicated…
This week I want to talk about 2 terrible recent decisions involving lesbian moms – and some information about how lesbian families can and should protect themselves. The first was a case in Oklahoma – Kris and Rebekah decided to have a baby together. They searched for a known donor and found Harlan, who lived in Texas. Rebekah (who was to be the birth mom) and Harlan signed a donor agreement and he provided the sperm. The 2 women got … read more »
Mother’s Day 2021
Today is Mother’s Day, 2021. I am thinking about what it means to be a daughter to my mother, and a mother to my daughter. I am thinking about my grandmother, Ida, who taught me about unconditional love and hard work, and about my other grandmother, Cecile, who taught me how to express your love through cooking and knitting. I think about the ways I mother my nieces and nephews, my young friends, and about those who have mothered me … read more »
Why Do I Love What I Do?
Our families grow and change over our lifetimes. We transition from the family we were born into to the ones we create. We form different types of families by falling in love, by having babies, by adopting children, by divorcing, by being step-parents, by having (or being) God parents, or by treating extended family like our own. Our children grow up and leave, our parents may move in with us. As a result, the idea of the nuclear family is … read more »
Are You My Mother?
I have always been fascinated by families. They drive us crazy and they keep us sane. They are the rock upon which we stand, and can be the bane of our existence. We all know what it is like to be somebody’s child, and many of us know what it is like to be somebody’s parent or somebody’s sibling. But each of our experiences is so particular. So different. This article takes a closer look at 2 very basic questions … read more »
How History is Written
I just read a beautiful tribute to the late Hon. Judith Kaye (1938-2016), who was the much respected and beloved Chief Judge of the Court of Appeals of the State of New York. The tribute was written by Roberta Kaplan, Esq., who represented Edith Windsor in US vs Windsor, the landmark Supreme Court case that, overnight, extended equal rights of gay and lesbian Americans in unprecedented ways. Ms. Kaplan recently remembered Judge Kaye at a dinner for Le-Gal, the LGBT … read more »
Same Sex Married Couples Still Need Second Parent Adoptions
I have written about this before, and it is still true – same sex couples still need second parent adoptions even though they are legally married. New York’s Appellate Division Second Department made this clear their May 2015 decision, Matter of Paczkowski. The case is about a lesbian couple who was married and had a child together during the marriage. The non-biological mom had not adopted their child. The couple later broke up, and she filed for joint custody, arguing … read more »
Busy week!
It’s been a busy week – I was on a panel at CUNY School of Law about Contemplative Lawyering and alternatives to litigating on Monday. On Wednesday I was a panel at Cardozo Law School about mediating with non-traditional families. And today I published an article on FamilyAffaires.com about why second parent adoptions are still needed even when the same-sex parents are married. They say that if you love what you do, it never feels like work. So true. I’m … read more »
Second Parent Adoptions are Still Necessary!
The NY Times’ Motherlode blog ran an article today about 2nd parent adoptions, and Judge Lopez Torres’ recent decision to deny a petition for such when the adoptive parents were married. Here is my comment (which they also published): I am an attorney who does second parent adoptions. I have completed and filed several such adoptions in New York State since Judge Lopez Torres’ decision was published – parallel courts recognize them as still being necessary. While Judge Lopez Torres’ … read more »
1 Step forward, 2 Steps back??
The Kings County (Brooklyn) Surrogate’s Court issued a strange decision today – it denied a second parent adoption where the lesbian couple was married and the non-bio mom’s name is on the birth certificate, saying adoption is “neither necessary nor available.” It seems to me that this denies the reality that same sex marriage is still banned in most states and in many countries, and refuses to protect the legal relationship between the child and the non-bio mother. Is this … read more »