This is a piece I wish I didn’t have to write … again. But I’m back on my soapbox: Lesbian moms need second-parent adoptions to protect the relationship between the child and the non-biological mom. Both parents need to have equal legal rights when it comes to their children. No ifs, and, or buts about it.
- Having both mothers’ names on the baby’s birth certificate is not proof enough.
- Being legally married to the biological mother protects the relationship between the adults, not with the child. It’s not enough.
- Being there at the birth, staying up all night with the child, and being parental in every way is not enough.
- Being publicly known as the child’s parent is not enough.
- Even being biologically related (e.g. when the family uses one mother’s egg and the other mother becomes pregnant) is not enough.
We’ve gotten lax in thinking about it, perhaps especially in places like New York City, where such adoptions are fairly routine. But two related articles crossed my desk this week to remind us that we should still pay attention. The first, entitled “Why Second Parent Adoption Is Important for LGBT+ Families” has its answer in the second, “How a Louisiana Law is Derailing Adoptions for Some Lesbian Couples.”
The first article was published at The Bump, a website all about pregnancy. The article explains that second-parent adoptions can be cumbersome, invasive, and expensive. But necessary, they say, because laws that have changed in favor of same-sex couples can change back. (As Justice Clarence Thomas hinted at in his concurrence in Dobbs v. Jackson, when he wrote, “In future cases, we should reconsider … Obergefell,” referring to the Supreme Court decision that legalized same-sex marriage in every state.)
The article about the Louisiana law is about a situation that is unfolding as we speak. Nikki and Jessica Dennis are married and have a son. Jessica is his bio mom, so Nikki petitioned for a second-parent adoption in Louisiana, where they live. Her petition was denied.
Louisiana law does not officially allow second-parent adoptions. But it says that if a biological mother is married, “the husband of the mother” has standing to establish his rights as a parent. If the biological mother is not married, the biological father can establish his parental rights. Nikki is neither.
Most Louisiana judges grant step-parent adoptions to same-sex parents who are married, but Dennis’ judge did not. Instead, their judge ruled (erroneously, in my opinion) that Nikki was “presumed to be the parent of this child,” citing a law that states, “the husband of the mother is presumed to be the father …” (LA Civil Code Art 185). But a presumption can be rebutted. And Nikki is not a husband.
All of this should be consistent, and non-biological mothers should be allowed to establish their legal rights as parents. The parent-child relationship is too important to be vulnerable to attacks by legislators or individual judges.
The decision on Nikki’s appeal should be released any day now. And hopefully, Nikki can adopt her son. I’ll keep you posted.