Are you the child of a divorce? If so, do you remember when you realized that your parents were separating? My guess is that you do.What do you remember about it–Do you remember what room you were in? Or what you heard? What did you feel? Who comforted you? What was said? Did your parents tell you or did you overhear something? Was it in the context of an argument or was it presented to you calmly? Did your parents … read more »
Like a deer in headlights?
Lisa sat in my office and cried silently for half an hour straight. I had invited Lisa and Steve to an introductory meeting to explain the divorce mediation process. He had just asked for the divorce, and she looked like a deer caught in the headlights. At the end of the meeting, she looked over at him and asked, “How did we get here?” Months later, when they actually started the process, her demeanor was very different. By then, Lisa … read more »
Layers of Sound
I have been meditating for a few years, and was part of a workshop recently where the facilitator had us listen to “layers of sound.” I didn’t understand what she was talking about at first. It sounded a little mysterious, and a little woo woo…. But I decided to try what she was asking. And it’s not hard – I’ll show you. (This is an interactive blog post!) Listen – right now – first, to the sounds that are farthest … read more »
We Hear What We Want to Hear!
But how did you flunk the test? We studied together! I know you were prepared!” Katie and I were study buddies during our first semester in law school. I had no idea what to expect on the exam, and I had been worried. But Katie had been so confident. She and I had gone over all of the cases for our Constitutional Law class, which focused on the civil rights cases. She knew the facts, the holdings and reasoning that … read more »
Just Listen
I write this on my way back from a conference in Washington, DC for the Project for Integrating Spirituality, Law and Politics (PISLAP) entitled, “Fostering Human Connection in an Era of Alienation.” One workshop I attended there, led by John Spiegel and Judith M. Glasser — and based upon the work of Nancy Kline — was called “Souls in Action: Using ‘Generative Attention’ to Resolve Conflicts.” Their assertion is that attention is a creative act, and that we can help … read more »
I Hear You
“I hear you.” Listening is a very simple act. It’s a subtle act. It is something that we do naturally with the people we love, and when things are going smoothly. Yet one of the most powerful statements that we can ever make is to say honestly, “I hear you. I recognize what you’re going through.” What is listening? Being open to hearing not only the words the speaker is saying, but also to her tone of voice, to read … read more »
Jazz and Mediation
A few months ago I printed a wonderful quote from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. about the contributions that jazz makes to humanity. That touched me, particularly coming from a minister, because there are some who have said that jazz is antithetical to religion. I have been listening to jazz since I was a teenager, and have been trying my hand at it (on the flute and on the piano) for a few years. Still amateur, for sure, but trying. … read more »
Elder Mediation hits the Press !
The Wall Street Journal published a terrific article yesterday, Family Value: A Referee for Family Disputes, about the value of elder mediation, and its value to families facing tough decisions around care-giving and inheritance. This is just the latest in several major newspapers to cover it. It’s exciting to be one of the forerunners of this new and growing field! I recommend a few: Eldercare Mediators help resolve Feuds, Washington Post, Dec 14, 2010 When the Family Needs an … read more »
Mediate! Don’t litigate!
I was coming out of the subway the other day by NYC’s City Hall, and found myself in the middle of a demonstration. A bunch of young people, all dressed in pea coats and fisherman’s knit scarves and hats held were chanting, “Don’t go to court – mediate!” and “Mediate – don’t litigate!” I was quickly given a handbill for the new TV series, Fairly Legal, which premiered last night. The “demonstrators” were actually paid by a marketing firm… While … read more »
A Lesson from Tangier
I just came back from vacation in Spain. As part of our adventure, my husband and I took a train from Sevilla to the south coast, and a ferry across the Strait of Gibraltar to Tangier, Morocco. We only stayed overnight, but in that short time, I learned a lesson. The guidebooks warn you about the hustlers who see the tourist as an easy target. For that reason, many tourists only come for a day trip, hiring guides in advance … read more »