That is what psychologist Daniel Goleman has described as the fight or flight response. The amygdala, a tiny almond shaped structure in our brains, sometimes acts almost reflexively. When a lion is after you, the theory goes, you don’t have time to make a thoughtful, considered decision. It’s time to go! Chris Rock was not a lion – and Will Smith wasn’t in physical danger. But Will Smith obviously felt so threatened that he had to do something about it … read more »
Lawyers Make Things Worse!
“Lawyers make things worse!” I sometimes say to my clients. “They can take people who are this far apart,” I say with my hands about 4 inches away from each other, “and make them this far apart by the time they’re through!” continuing with my hands still facing each other but my arms stretched about 3 feet away. This may seem like blasphemy coming from a lawyer! And I mean no disrespect to my colleagues – but it’s part of … read more »
Layers of Sound
I have been meditating for a few years, and was part of a workshop recently where the facilitator had us listen to “layers of sound.” I didn’t understand what she was talking about at first. It sounded a little mysterious, and a little woo woo…. But I decided to try what she was asking. And it’s not hard – I’ll show you. (This is an interactive blog post!) Listen – right now – first, to the sounds that are farthest … read more »
Prenup? That’s Good News!
Your wedding day is only a few months off and your fiancé nervously mentions that he would like a prenuptial agreement. You are taken off guard. “But don’t you trust me?” you cry. “It’s not that,” he stammers. “It’s just that, that I will be disowned if I don’t…” Or, “It’s just that I have worked so hard on creating my own business, and I want things to be clear with my business partners…” Or, “It’s just … read more »
A Lesson from Tangier
I just came back from vacation in Spain. As part of our adventure, my husband and I took a train from Sevilla to the south coast, and a ferry across the Strait of Gibraltar to Tangier, Morocco. We only stayed overnight, but in that short time, I learned a lesson. The guidebooks warn you about the hustlers who see the tourist as an easy target. For that reason, many tourists only come for a day trip, hiring guides in advance … read more »
Secrecy in Collaborative Law
Two people, a man and a woman, came to me separately in the past week to explore the possibility of doing collaborative law. Both were people in short term marriages with no kids. The real estate wasn’t really the issue. And so it seemed that their situations were relatively simple, and that the collaborative process would be relatively simple. But scratching the surface made me see nuances that would not make the case appropriate. The man asked … read more »
Either/Or or Both/And?
My friends and I used to talk about a concept of “both/and” as opposed to “either/or.” What we meant was that, when making group decisions, we could look for solutions that were good for the group as a whole – and therefore each person in the group (a win-win approach), rather than one person winning at the expense of another losing. This really describes the basis of mediation and collaborative process, as opposed to litigation. It’s not about individual … read more »