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What Happens in the Mediation Room?

July 11, 2019 By Joy Rosenthal

What Happens in the Mediation Room? by Joy Rosenthal

I ask both parties to come in for an introductory meeting when they inquire about divorce mediation. I am not a fancy person. I look professional, but I don’t often wear suits in the office. I try not to use big words, and to explain things in English, rather than legalese. I don’t think my job is to scare clients — in fact, I try to reassure them that they can get through the process, because they can. And our … read more »

Filed Under: Clients, Divorce, Families, Mediation, Negotiation Tagged With: Deciding to Divorce, divorce mediation, mediation, Mediation Process, Mediator

Law School 101

June 24, 2019 By Joy Rosenthal

Law School 101 by Joy Rosenthal

American law is created in two ways — by statute and by case law. Statutes are proposed and drafted by legislators for that jurisdiction, and other government rules and regulations are drafted by the agencies that are charged with running them. Most laws about family relationships are state laws. The statutes that relate to divorce, separation and children are mostly found in the New York State Domestic Relations Law (DRL) and in the Family Court Act (FCA). These are texts … read more »

Filed Under: Child Support, Collaborative Process, Divorce, Families, Mediation, Negotiation Tagged With: Bast v. Rossoff, Family Court Act (FCA), New York State Domestic Relations Law (DRL), Obergefell v. Hodges

Hold Your Grudges!

May 30, 2019 By Joy Rosenthal

Hold Your Grudges! by Joy Rosenthal

“But you had an affair!” “But you started drinking … again!” What is a grudge? The Oxford Dictionary website defines it as ‘A persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a past insult or injury.’ As you can imagine, nearly everyone who walks through the doors of my office to get divorced has a grudge or two in their pocket. I’m sure some are well deserved. Certainly, past insults and injuries are what lead to divorce in the … read more »

Filed Under: Divorce, General, Happiness, Negotiation Tagged With: Frederic Luskin, Grudges, Let Go of Your Grudges, Separation, Stanford Forgiveness Project, Tim Herrera

Making a Better Child Support Agreement

April 18, 2019 By Joy Rosenthal

Making a Better Child Support Agreement by Joy Rosenthal

A few months ago, I wrote a few notes about spousal maintenance. Today, I’d like to write a few notes about child support that I think are important to keep in mind. I gave a basic overview of child support last year, but I thought I would take the time to write about it again, since this is such an important part of any separation agreement. (You’re learning along with my students!) The Child Support Formula In an effort to … read more »

Filed Under: Child Support, Children, Divorce, Mediation, money, Negotiation Tagged With: Bradley Amendment, Family Court, New York Family Law, Settlement Agreement, The Child Support Formula

What’s Fair Is Fair… Or Is It?

March 28, 2019 By Joy Rosenthal

“I only want what is equitable. That is my operating principle,” Raymond explained as he sat across from me the first time we met. His wife, Lenore, looked intensely at him. “But what you consider to be equitable is not fair to me,” she said quietly. ‘What was going on here?’ I wondered. I’d only met them for a few minutes, but I could see already that they might have some fundamental differences of opinion — in fact, they might … read more »

Filed Under: Child Support, Collaborative Process, Divorce, Mediation, money, Negotiation, Spousal Maintenance Tagged With: Equitable Distribution, Post-Divorce Parenting, Separation Agreement

NY Spousal Maintenance

February 6, 2019 By Joy Rosenthal

NY Spousal Maintenance by Joy Rosenthal

In the last post, A Few Notes About Spousal Maintenance, I wrote about new considerations that must be made because of recent changes to the federal tax law. Today, I’d like to circle back to explore the purpose and a little bit of the history of New York spousal maintenance laws. Spousal maintenance, or alimony, is a term for periodic and regular support payments from one ex-spouse to the other for a specified length of time. The concept of alimony … read more »

Filed Under: Divorce, money, Negotiation, Spousal Maintenance Tagged With: Alimony, Divorce Finances, New York Spousal Maintenance

Facing Your ‘Other’

December 11, 2018 By Joy Rosenthal

Facing Your 'Other' by Joy Rosenthal

  When I mediate, I am sometimes struck by the fact that our lives can be profoundly affected by  the actions of others. It can be frustrating to think about our lives being out of our control. I am happier when I focus on what we can control — particularly our own thoughts, our attitudes, and our actions. Of course, change is difficult, but certainly possible. I have used my thoughts and actions at critical points to change the course … read more »

Filed Under: Families, Happiness, Mindfulness, Negotiation Tagged With: Empathy, Jacqui Lewis, mediation, Middle Collegiate Church, Revolutionary Love, Tolerance

Why Do I Want You to Stay in the Room?

September 6, 2018 By Joy Rosenthal

Why Do I Want You to Stay in the Room? by Joy Rosenthal

I want to say a word about neutrality, which is a very important concept in mediation. The role of a mediator is to act as an intermediary between the parties, and to help the parties reconcile conflict. How the mediator does that can vary a lot, depending on the type of conflict the parties have, the style of mediation used, and, of course, the temperament and experience of the mediator. One of the big differences between mediation and arbitration is … read more »

Filed Under: Divorce, Mediation, Negotiation Tagged With: divorce mediation, Divorce Neutral, Mediation Process

R-E-S-P-E-C-T — Find Out What it Means to Me!

August 22, 2018 By Joy Rosenthal

R-E-S-P-E-C-T — Find Out What it Means to Me! by Joy Rosenthal

I write this just days after the death of the infamous Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin. Hers was the voice of a generation — my generation — but she meant so much more. While it is difficult to imagine a world without her, I am grateful for her music, which will live on. From my perspective, Aretha’s most influential song was “Respect,” written by Otis Redding. As Wesley Morris wrote in her obituary, she turned the song — and the … read more »

Filed Under: Clients, Collaborative Process, Cultural Competence, Divorce, Happiness, Marriage, Mediation, Mindfulness, Negotiation, Nonviolence Tagged With: Aretha Franklin, Dignity, Donna Hicks, Respect

Divorce Made Simple

August 2, 2018 By Joy Rosenthal

Divorce Made Simple by Joy Rosenthal

From a practical standpoint, the actual divorce process is pretty simple. What Topics Need to be Addressed? There are four or five main areas to be decided in a divorce mediation (some of which may not apply to your particular situation): 1.  How will you divide up what you own together? The first step here is to identify what is separate property and what is marital. Separate property typically includes property you owned before the marriage and property you inherit. … read more »

Filed Under: Child Support, Collaborative Process, Divorce, Families, Mediation, Negotiation, Spousal Maintenance Tagged With: collaborative process, custody, divorce, divorce mediation, Legal Custody, parenting plans, Physical Custody, Settlement Agreement

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Rosenthal Law & Mediation
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Joy S. Rosenthal, Esq.
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