“What will you do about your implicit bias?” Jennifer asked me as she sat across the table. She, a woman of color, was in my office with her husband, a white man, for an introductory session to discuss using mediation as a process for their divorce. Hers was a fair question. And it was one I have never been asked before. “Are you familiar with the concept?” she continued, apparently expecting me to say that I wasn’t. “I was a … read more »
“But what am I going to do without my net?” Rob looked bereft. He knew, intellectually, that he wasn’t entitled to his wife’s family’s money. He knew that he and Sheila were getting divorced — after all, they both had moved on and were seeing other people. Rob also knew that he was a grown, healthy man who had been working hard and making a living for many years. He had built his catering business from the ground up. The … read more »
One of the things that needs to be decided in a divorce is how you’re going to divide up what you own together, and one of the biggest assets that couples usually own is their home. There are several choices as to what happens to the house (or condo or co-op): You can sell the house and divide the proceeds. You can continue to own the house together, even if one person stays there. You can buy out your spouse’s … read more »
Just published an article in Family Affaires to help you think about your money during divorce. Money can be a big stressor in a marriage, and is often one of the greatest sources of anxiety during a divorce, whether you are mediating, litigating or doing a collaborative process. These tips can help you get a handle on them so you know what you are working with! Here’s to a productive and fruitful 2016!
Last week, Governor Cuomo signed a bill that will soon overhaul the way spousal support is established for divorcing couples in New York State. The portions of the bill that deal with temporary spousal support will take effect on October 25, 2015, and the rest will take effect on January 23, 2016. This law establishes a standard for how permanent spousal maintenance is determined – before, maintenance was purely up to a judge’s discretion, and awards were inconsistent. A 2010 … read more »
One of the biggest decisions that needs to be made in a divorce is how you will divide up your assets. Here is a link to an article I wrote recently about this topic, entitled “Equitable Distribution 101.” This might be helpful whether you are using mediation, collaborative process, or using traditional lawyers.
I’m excited to announce that my review of the book, Dignity, by Donna Hicks was published this week in ACResolution, the quarterly magazine of the national Association for Conflict Resolution. God gave each of us inherent worth and value; accept it in yourself, discover and encourage it in others, and peace may just be possible. ~ Archbishop Desmond Tutu Dr . Hicks, who has worked on international conflicts all over the world, uses this concept as the premise for her … read more »
I can hardly believe that I woke up today, listening to the President of the United States talk about that most powerful concept, ubuntu. It was in his tribute to Nelson Mandela – Madiba, a speech given today before thousands, in Johannesburg. Here is what he said: Mandela understood the ties that bind the human spirit. There is a word in South Africa — Ubuntu — a word that captures Mandela’s greatest gift: his recognition that we are all bound … read more »
Tomorrow is the 50th anniversary of the March on Washington in which the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. gave his magnificent “I Have a Dream” speech – one of most inspiring and important speeches in history. In anticipation, I just read the full text of the speech again, and link to it here. There are some lines that we have heard over and again, and which we need to hear over and again. But there are a few others … read more »
Lee and Carolyn were in love. Carolyn loved Lee so much that she moved her children from Delaware to Long Island so they could be a family. After 8 years of dating, Lee finally proposed. Lee suggested a prenuptial agreement. Carolyn was so relieved that they were finally getting married, that she said, “I’ll sign any piece of paper you put in front of me and I won’t even read it.” And so he did. Lee gave her the agreement … read more »