While parents may agree to share parenting time 50/50, there are a myriad ways to structure the schedule to meet your and your children’s needs. Younger children need shorter but more frequent time with each parent (switching, for instance, every 2-3 days), while it may be easier for older children to change less often, perhaps spending a week with each parent. Having a predictable and structured schedule helps everyone manage their expectations, but it is also a good idea to … read more »
Will the law catch up?
The papers have been rife with stories this week about New York’s new law allowing same-sex marriage. It couldn’t have come at a more poignant time – 2 days before Gay Pride day. People have described the mood there as unadulterated joy – one friend even told me, “I haven’t experienced anything like that since the March on Washington” — meaning the 1963 march in which Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. gave his “I Have a Dream” speech. It is … read more »
More changing families!
In my last post (this morning), I wrote about 3 articles in today’s Sunday New York Times about interesting family configurations or trends. Well, obviously I hadn’t read the whole paper! A Father’s Day Plea to Sperm Donors is by a young man who would like, on this Father’s Day, to know who his father is; My Ex-Gay Friend explores the life of a young man who was comfortable being out, and then went back in; Living the Good Lie … read more »
Today’s Families
There are several articles in today’s NYTimes that reflect a change in today’s families, on this Father’s Day, 2011: A front page article about President Obama’s evolving views of gay marriage. Baby Makes 4, And Complications – A long and very personal portrait of a Park Slope mother, child, sperm donor/father and his partner. How Divorce Lost Its Groove, about the attitudes young people have toward divorce, and how they are trying to make it gentler on their kids — … read more »
Mediate! Don’t litigate!
I was coming out of the subway the other day by NYC’s City Hall, and found myself in the middle of a demonstration. A bunch of young people, all dressed in pea coats and fisherman’s knit scarves and hats held were chanting, “Don’t go to court – mediate!” and “Mediate – don’t litigate!” I was quickly given a handbill for the new TV series, Fairly Legal, which premiered last night. The “demonstrators” were actually paid by a marketing firm… While … read more »
Creative Parenting Plans
Parents often ask me how they should structure the time children spend with each parent. That depends a lot on what the children are used to, how involved each parent was before the divorce, how attached they are to each parent, and the parents’ schedule. It also varies based upon whether the parent is really available – will they be with the parent or with a babysitter? Yesterday I wrote about Robert Emery. His site also includes some creative ideas … read more »
A Children’s Bill of Rights for Divorce
I read a custody case today which incorporated a Children’s Bill of Rights into her decision. MMH v William D.H. (Fam Ct, Dutchess Co, 3/5/10). While I have seen the Bill of Rights incorporated into separation agreements, I’ve never seen it incorporated into a judgment. I started to scout around and found several slightly different versions on the internet – from divorcehq, one written on about.com, kids in the middle, divorce central. But my favorite, for its completeness and simplicity, … read more »
Divorce Mediation, NY Times Style
Recently, the New York Times published an Op-Ed piece, written by Prof. Stephanie Coontz, about the proposed legislation permitting no-fault divorce in New York State. The article, entitled Divorce, No-Fault Style, points out that New York State is the only state that requires fault, making it more difficult for couples to get divorced. But it is the last 2 paragraphs that I found to be the most important, because they are about divorce mediation. Here is my favorite quote, citing … read more »
How to Pick a Divorce Lawyer
The New York Times has been running a fantastic series about Divorce and Money. Tonight they asked people to comment on the best way to pick a divorce lawyer. Here is my answer: The best way to pick a divorce lawyer is to find someone who will try to optimize the situation for everyone involved (particularly the kids), not just for you. Think about the emotional and psychic costs as well as the financial costs. I am an attorney who only … read more »
The 6 Relationships …
I just returned from the ACR (Association for Conflict Resolution) annual conference, which really opened my eyes in a lot of ways. But one thing I wanted to share tonight was a concept from Stephen Reynolds, a mediator in Santa Cruz, CA with Common Ground Mediation Services. He comes from a business background, and had an interesting, analytical view of committed relationships. His view is that each committed relationship really has 6 relationships going on at once. In no particular … read more »