A few weeks ago, I had the honor of teaching an advanced course in divorce mediation with Michelle Exline Minovi at the Center for Understanding in Conflict (CUC). We gathered at the bucolic Highlights Foundation Retreat Center in the mountains, a few hours outside of New York City. The 16-hour training, taught over 2 days, was intense, fun, and tightly packed. I was tasked with teaching internal family systems in a short, interactive lesson. All 20 of us stood shoulder-to-shoulder … read more »
Sophie Gooddog, Meet Sophie Baddog!
I met a neighbor the other day, and this was our conversation: “What a lovely dog?” she asked. “What’s her name?” “Sophie Gooddog,” I replied. “Oh, that’s funny,” she said. “I have a friend who also has a dog named Sophie. And she also has an African grey parrot. She says ‘Bad Dog’ so often to Sophie that the parrot calls the dog, ‘Sophie Baddog!’ I laughed. (Here’s a video about how smart African grey parrots are!) My neighbor continued, … read more »
Tubas to the Rescue!
Rachel Maddow recently posted a story about a confrontation between anti-ICE protestors and the Proud Boys in Atlanta – that was dissipated by tubas! And trombones and saxophones. I love her characterization of it. (The song that they are playing, Bella Ciao, is an Italian anti-fascist song that has become a staple of protests around the world.) I was particularly interested in this because my late husband, Makanda Ken McIntyre, was selected by the US State Department to be a … read more »
First and Second Wives’ Club
In a few days, I will gather with Darryl’s family for a few days in the Caribbean. (Darryl and I were married for 16 years until he died in 2020, at the beginning of the COVID-19 outbreak.) I’m thrilled to still be included in family gatherings, and I can’t wait to see everyone. But I am especially excited that the gathering will also include Darryl’s first wife, Elaine. She and Darryl had the most amazing post-divorce relationship. Elaine lived in … read more »
US vs Trans Young People
This week, the Supreme Court upheld, in US vs Skrmetti, that Tennessee’s ban on medical providers providing gender-affirming medical care for youth was constitutional. Approximately half of the US states have enacted such bans in the last few years. As Justice Sotomayor explains in her dissent, the Court went to great lengths and convoluted logic to reason that a statute which is specifically based on a person’s sex is not actually based on sex and therefore is not subject to … read more »
Basie Lives!
Last week, I had the unadulterated pleasure of seeing (and hearing!) the Count Basie Orchestra at Birdland in Manhattan. I’ve been the Trustee of Count Basie’s estate since 2012, and I always go to hear them when they’re in town. It’s such a delight! Big band music was heard all over the airwaves in the 1930s and 1940s – it defined the Swing Era. Its band leaders, including Count Basie, Duke Ellington, Benny Goodman, Glenn Miller, and Tommy Dorsey, were … read more »
Before Mediation, Maybe You Need a Coach?
The New York Times recently ran an article about divorce coaches. Divorcing? There’s a Coach for That. They say that two stages of the process really call for support and help – the first is during the divorce itself, and the other is post-divorce, when people are rebuilding and reshaping their lives. These are both great, but I think they’d also be useful much earlier in the process. One of the first questions I ask mediation clients is whether they … read more »
Feel what you are feeling
This week, I was honored to participate in a training about mediating Surrogates’ Court disputes taught by Joan Pangilinan-Taylor and Judith Nolfo for the New York State Office of Court Administration. The stated issues can be fairly simple – e.g., disagreements about how things will be divided or who will be the executor of a loved one’s estate. But there are many layers to the disputes, particularly because family relationships are so long and can be so complicated. We talked … read more »
Facts Matter!
Why do people get divorced? Is there just one reason, or are there many? What is the truth? This question was addressed by Lori Gottlieb in the “Ask the Therapist” section of the New York Times this week. A reader asked whether she should tell her teenage children that the real reason she and her ex-husband divorced several years ago is because he had an affair. The kids aren’t asking. The parents get along now. The parents told the kids … read more »
Morality needs to matter
I had the opportunity to attend a town hall meeting with NYS Lt. Governor Antonio Delgado this week, which was so inspiring. It was such a breath of fresh air to hear someone who is in a position of power be CARING about the least of us, be caring about families and kids, and all of us. And he wasn’t just talking about fighting AGAINST, he was talking about what to fight FOR. He has not announced what he is … read more »
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