If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that I love music. And I try to connect all of these posts to divorce or conflict resolution. As I’m sure you’ve heard, Roberta Flack died this week. I grew up listening to her music, and love the way she took familiar songs and made them her own, sometimes bending genres to do so, as when she made a hit of Carole King’s song, “Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?” … read more »
Attention: A Finite and Precious Resource
A few years ago, I wrote a blog post called “Layers of Sound.” It includes an exercise of having you listen to very close things, then a little farther away, and still farther. These sounds all happen at the same time, of course, but some may be happening in the background while others are more present in our consciousness. By directing our attention from one to another, we can notice very different things and have very different experiences of that … read more »
An Unfiltered Guide to Navigating a Divorce
I was recently interviewed for Passerby, an online magazine and community for “everyday women.” While some of their resources are only available to subscribers (which is about $5/month), some, like their new “Unfiltered Guide to Navigating a Divorce,” are available to the public. Even though the Guide opens with a picture of Angela Bassett walking away from a burning car in Waiting to Exhale, it’s not all bad news. (There are references to several other movies about divorce, also!) Author, … read more »
Some Changes for NYS uncontested divorces
New York State divorce law is changing a bit this week. Here’s the good news and some bad news about it: The Good News When I mediate, I emphasize to my clients that they are making decisions together and that we proceed by agreement. It’s all done in a spirit of cooperation and collaboration. The agreements I draft say, throughout, something to the effect of “Chris and Devon agree that…” or “Devon and Chris acknowledge that…” Even the very name … read more »
I Wanna See You Be Brave
I was honored to be recently invited to a friend’s 85th birthday party. The hosts asked each of us to bring a story as a gift – perhaps, the invitation suggested, of a “challenge you faced that required you to find your courage.” We heard incredible stories of women organizing to fight Apartheid, moving across continents, facing cancer, or gathering with others in the face of adversity. I talked about my leap of faith in moving from Brooklyn, which I’ve … read more »
Small miracles
My Mom used to call my wonderful Dad, ‘the absent-minded professor.’ I called him the luckiest unlucky person I’d ever met. He lost his wallet in the cab again and again and always got it back. He left his laptop on the plane and got that back, too. He had some kind of karma, I guess. Dad worked for Columbia University, and one of the perks was a parking space in a lot near his home on 113th Street. A … read more »
Living side by side
I am meeting a couple for the first time on Zoom for their free introductory session where we talk about the structure and logistics of mediation. I want to explain my view of what it means to be neutral. “I don’t see neutrality as some outside objective thing,” I say. “I’m not removed. I want to be there for you,” I continue, looking at one spouse. “And I want to be there for you,” I repeat, looking at the other. … read more »
May we all live by our Guiding Lights
“What was Jimmy Carter trying to teach us in taking his final bow at this pivotal moment in America?” asked Isabel Wilkerson (author of Caste and The Warmth of Other Suns) on Instagram this week. She answered her question by writing … That there is, in fact, goodness and decency in the world when we fret that there is none. That … people can do great good in the world if they can find their purpose and call. That wise … read more »
In With The New
I moved to Brooklyn to live with Darryl towards the end of 2003. We made our home together a 3-bedroom pre-war apartment in Windsor Terrace, right near Prospect Park. We loved having family stay with us and having friends over. Our dogs introduced us to wonderful neighbors. Darryl knew every coffee shop in the neighborhood, and I got to know the paths in Prospect Park like the back of my hand. We spent our days apart and came together in … read more »
Got 8 minutes?
As this 1-minute video shows, it can be hard to ask for help from a friend. But it might not be as big an ask as you think. Be there for someone else and they will be there for you. May your 2025 be filled with love, nurturing, and connections (perhaps in 8-minute segments)! … And with JOY! …. Don’t forget to bring the JOY !!
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