If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that I love music. And I try to connect all of these posts to divorce or conflict resolution.
As I’m sure you’ve heard, Roberta Flack died this week. I grew up listening to her music, and love the way she took familiar songs and made them her own, sometimes bending genres to do so, as when she made a hit of Carole King’s song, “Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?”
I listened to a lot of folk music as a child and was especially influenced by Pete Seeger. I once heard an interview with his half-sister, Peggy Seeger, who said that one day, when she was about to perform in California, she was asked to sing a hopeful love song because all of the songs she sang were sad. So she called up her sweetheart, singer-songwriter, Ewan McColl in Scotland, and he made up “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face” on the spot and sang it to her. She went on to perform the song that night. But as we know, it didn’t take off until Roberta Flack took it and transformed it into one of the most romantic songs ever written.
And then comes “Killing Me Softly,” which I always thought was a song about a woman with a controlling and cruel lover. I thought it was about domestic violence, and couldn’t quite grasp why it was so popular. So this week, as I prepared to write this column, I looked up the origin of THAT song, and it turns out that it was inspired (or written) by Lori Lieberman after she went to see a performance by another singer-songwriter, Don McLean. What??? It’s not about abuse at all! It’s about a musician who connects with his audience. I listened to the lyrics again and had one of those “aha” moments.
Maybe you always knew what the song was about, but I didn’t! For all these years, I thought I understood it — and I was SO WRONG! (I have to say, I like the song much better now!)
OK, I have to add … this reminds me of my best friend Aline when we were growing up, who thought the Beatles song said “I’ll never dance with her mother, oooh! since I saw her standing there…” (the real lyrics are, “I’ll never dance with another…”) I still giggle every time I think of that..
How many times have I sat with couples who have been having the same argument and misunderstanding each other for years? Have you ever misunderstood something for years? I’m sure you haven’t! But just in case you have, tell me!
Here’s to our perfect imperfections. And here’s to Roberta Flack – thank you for reaching into your soul and gracing us with your lovely voice.