A friend asked me recently how I became good at being a divorce mediator when my own parents were happily married for 65 years. That was an interesting question. I thought about both my personal and my personal experiences. My parents didn’t divorce, but my brothers did. And I’d been particularly sensitive to how it had affected their young children, whom I adored (and still do!). No matter what was going on between the adults, the kids were loyal to … read more »
We have 2 kidneys. We only need one.
On May 30, 2013, my left kidney was miraculously transplanted from my body to Darryl’s. Darryl and I were married, and he lived another 7 years. During that time, he taught middle and high school students. He wrote scores of poems and read them out loud. He got to see his daughter launch her career. We had great parties. We started a nonprofit, One Breath Rising, to present poetry and jazz performances. All of this may not have happened if … read more »
The Piece I Wish I Didn’t Have to Write
This is a piece I wish I didn’t have to write … again. But I’m back on my soapbox: Lesbian moms need second-parent adoptions to protect the relationship between the child and the non-biological mom. Both parents need to have equal legal rights when it comes to their children. No ifs, and, or buts about it. Having both mothers’ names on the baby’s birth certificate is not proof enough. Being legally married to the biological mother protects the relationship … read more »
Elder mediation is family mediation, too
Not all family mediation has to do with divorce. Early in my mediation career, I learned how to do elder mediation, and tried to establish it as a practice. It turned out not to be a good fit for me as a business model, but I still have a fondness for the concept, so I was thrilled to see that the New York Times wrote about it this week in their article, “When Families Fight over a Relative with Dementia, … read more »
This is about the Duke, the Count, and Satchmo … and their wives
I’ve spent a good part of my free time this week listening to and reading a book that just came out, The Jazz Men: How Duke Ellington, Louis Armstrong and Count Basie Transformed America by Larry Tye. I have had the honor of being the Trustee of the William J. (“Count”) Basie Trust, for the last 11 years or so, and I was the guardian for his late daughter, Diane Basie until her death in 2022. I’ve met many interesting … read more »
But who are you … really?
Who are you? I mean, who are you really? Who’s in your community? Who are your people? Do your friendship circles overlap or are they wildly different? Do they reflect all of the different parts of you? At the Center for Understanding in Conflict Teacher Training that I went to a few weeks ago, we did an exercise where they asked us to make a diagram of our identity circles. Here’s one I created: But then they asked us to … read more »
Learning to Teach, Teaching to Learn
I’m really honored to participate in a year-long teacher training run by Gary Friedman and Catherine Conner at the Center for Understanding in Conflict. My colleagues in the group (fellow ‘learners’) are from all over the world, so we usually meet on Zoom, but last week, we gathered in person in northern California for an intensive 4 days at a retreat center amid the redwood trees. We came from New York, Boston, Milan, Munich, Frankfurt, Shanghai, Colorado, and Thailand. We … read more »
Always be humble and kind
First, thank you to the many people who reached out for my mom’s birthday. We had several small parties at her apartment, and she was thrilled. Meanwhile, I’ve been following Dan Rather on Substack. Last week, he posted a video I hadn’t seen before, of country music star, Tim McGraw, singing “Always Be Humble and Kind.” The song is, in itself, humble and kind, and the images in the video, which come from Oprah’s television series, “Belief,” are simply stunning. … read more »
Happy birthday, Mom!
I want to take this moment to give a shout out to my mom, Esther Rowland, who turns 98 today. You’d never know it to look at her – she certainly doesn’t act her age. Mom is one of the busiest people I know: she is a member of 2 writing groups, 2 book groups and a storytelling group. And she manages to do those things in between her Pilates class, her physical therapist and her dates with several friends … read more »
What’s the difference between a mediator and a lawyer?
What is the difference between the role of a mediator and the role of a lawyer? Here are some thoughts: The mediator is there as a guide, not a director. Participating in mediation is voluntary – it takes two to tango. If one person cannot or will not participate for any reason, there is no mediation – and therefore, no role for the mediator. The mediator’s job is to provide structure to the conversations, and to guide the process, but … read more »
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