I didn’t change my paycheck direct deposit when I got married. The money still went into my checking account in my name. I transferred funds into the joint account each month to cover my share of the mortgage etc. I figured that the money in my checking account was mine and the money in the joint account was ours. Boy was I wrong. New York State defines marriage as an economic partnership. This means that everything either spouse earns during … read more »
Contemplating MLK Day 2024
I am posting this shortly before Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s birthday. I also realized that it was 40 years ago this month that I had the great good fortune to take a seminar on Mahatma Gandhi at Harvard Divinity School, taught by Professors Diana Eck, Lakshmi Jain, and Devaki Jain. The Jains, who were visiting professors that year, had “walked with Gandhi” and dedicated their lives to applying his teachings in modern India. I was so lucky to study … read more »
Disagree Better
I heard this morning that our average attention span is 47 seconds, so I’ll keep this short. I hope that you had a restful holiday filled with good food, laughter, and warm hugs. That’s how mine was, and I feel lucky to have a great family. Now it’s time to hunker back to reality – a storm or no storm in NYC this weekend. I listen to a lot of podcasts on my morning walks in the park with Sophie … read more »
How I got to where I am
Mark V. Bullock interviewed me for his YouTube Channel, Inspiring Business a few weeks ago, and it’s available now. I’ve known Mark for several years as he helps several NYC independent mediators market their services. Although it’s called “Fair is a 4-Letter Word,” he was actually interested in my path to becoming a divorce mediator (including my foray into divinity school and how that connects to what I do today.) As always, I love to hear from you. Stay in … read more »
Introducing your New Special Someone
One of the significant parts of the divorce experience is when the ex-spouse’s parents begin to date others. This affects everyone – the parent who is in the new relationship, the parent who is NOT in the new relationship, and the child. When this comes up in mediation, it’s usually because it was not handled well. So I thought it might be helpful to share a few ideas (culled from the experts*) about how to talk to your kids about … read more »
How to Keep Divorce Costs Down – Even When You Are Litigating
One of the things that amazes me about the divorce process is how expensive it is. Let’s start with the lawyer’s hourly rates. Who charges like that? Your plumber might charge about $150/hour. The car mechanic might charge about the same, or a little less. Therapists charge a lot, and many don’t take insurance. Doctors often charge more, but they do take health insurance. But I don’t know any other service provider who works with individuals who charge $400, $500, … read more »
Finding Joy
I want to let you in on a secret. My name wasn’t always Joy (it was Judy). Nor did I feel joyful. When I was in my 20s, I was in a long and terrible relationship with a woman named Janet who had my head all turned around. I was miserable and couldn’t see a way out. When I DID find a way out, I changed almost instantly. Somehow, in letting go of Janet, I also let go of the … read more »
Financial Empowerment For Women After Divorce
I’ve been working with several couples lately where one spouse makes plenty of money – more than enough to support the family – and the other makes very little, if at all. Stereotypically, of course, it’s a husband who’s earning and the wife who isn’t, but I’ve seen this happen where the situation is reversed, in same-sex couples, both male and female. The lower-earning spouse is usually doing more with the children and managing the household by dealing with bills, … read more »
Does it ever make sense for folks to have joint custody of the pet?
Last week, I wrote about the evolution in thinking about pets in divorce, and the fact that we are thinking of pets less as property and more as members of the family. In fact, New York (among a few other states) now considers the best interests of the pet in pet custody disputes. Today I want to extend that question – would it ever be appropriate to have joint custody of the dog or cat? We often ask children to … read more »
Who gets custody of the dog?
There are several ways in which legal thinking differs from common sense, and one of them has to do with the way we think about our pets. Or at least this was true in New York until recently. Dogs, cats, and turtles were all treated like sofas, chairs, and TV sets – that is, as personal property. The only value they were given (in legal decisions) was their monetary value. But one look at your dog looking at you with … read more »
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