Communication is so tricky – it has to go through many steps. Even the simplest phone conversation may have a lot of components: My thoughts (Perhaps I’m picturing my very sweet little black dog rolling on her back in the grass in Prospect Park, in Brooklyn.) My words (So I say to you, “My dog is in the park.”) (am I saying what I mean?) Then it goes through the air or over the wires up to the satellites and … read more »
Let it Simmer
“Is this a stereotype?” I asked. “Or is it true that Indian food takes a long time to cook?” I was sitting with my friend, Sethu, in a coffee shop, and we were talking about that never-ending work-life balance. (Perhaps I should mention here that, in my mind, saag paneer and rice is about as perfect as food can get.) “No, it’s true,” she said. “My mom taught me some tricks to make it simpler like doing food prep for … read more »
Be Like Kids
A friend asked me recently how I became good at being a divorce mediator when my own parents were happily married for 65 years. That was an interesting question. I thought about both my personal and my personal experiences. My parents didn’t divorce, but my brothers did. And I’d been particularly sensitive to how it had affected their young children, whom I adored (and still do!). No matter what was going on between the adults, the kids were loyal to … read more »
Learning to Teach, Teaching to Learn
I’m really honored to participate in a year-long teacher training run by Gary Friedman and Catherine Conner at the Center for Understanding in Conflict. My colleagues in the group (fellow ‘learners’) are from all over the world, so we usually meet on Zoom, but last week, we gathered in person in northern California for an intensive 4 days at a retreat center amid the redwood trees. We came from New York, Boston, Milan, Munich, Frankfurt, Shanghai, Colorado, and Thailand. We … read more »
What’s the difference between a mediator and a lawyer?
What is the difference between the role of a mediator and the role of a lawyer? Here are some thoughts: The mediator is there as a guide, not a director. Participating in mediation is voluntary – it takes two to tango. If one person cannot or will not participate for any reason, there is no mediation – and therefore, no role for the mediator. The mediator’s job is to provide structure to the conversations, and to guide the process, but … read more »
All That You Can’t Say
I’ve been obsessed with Tracy Chapman since I saw that stellar performance she gave of Fast Car at the Grammy Awards with Luke Combs. I used to listen to her a LOT. This week, I’ve been singing her music repeatedly, rediscovering old songs like they were buried treasures. I found the words to Baby Can I Hold You that I just had to share with you: “Sorry” Is all that you can’t say Years gone by, and still Words don’t … read more »
Disagree Better
I heard this morning that our average attention span is 47 seconds, so I’ll keep this short. I hope that you had a restful holiday filled with good food, laughter, and warm hugs. That’s how mine was, and I feel lucky to have a great family. Now it’s time to hunker back to reality – a storm or no storm in NYC this weekend. I listen to a lot of podcasts on my morning walks in the park with Sophie … read more »
Happy Pride! But same-sex marriages may lead to same sex divorces
It’s Pride Month! Happy Pride! June 26 is also the 8th anniversary of the release of the decision on Obergefell v. Hodges, which finally corrected the horrendous Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) and legalized same-sex marriages in every state of the US. Thank goodness! But same-sex marriages can lead to same-sex divorces. If you or a loved one are going through a same-sex divorce, there are a few things that need special attention: Making sure that both parents have an … read more »
I don’t really want to fight no more…
I’ve been watching a lot of videos of Tina Turner this week. She is so awesome. Other people seem to be focusing on her voice or her hits or her legs or her hair, but I’m focusing on how she kept reinventing her life and writing her own ticket for how she wanted to live. She didn’t let society (or Ike) limit who she was. She didn’t let trauma define her. I want to be like Tina. I want us … read more »
Love Me or Leave Me!
I recently had the privilege of being interviewed by my colleagues, Isaiah Vallejo-Juste, Esq. and Meredith Shirey, LCSW for their podcast, Love Me or Leave Me.Isaiah is a divorce litigator, and Meredith is a couples therapist. I have a lot of respect for them both–we all work with NewYork City families, but approach our work in different ways. I thought they did a great job distilling my comments and getting to the heart of what mediation is and how I … read more »
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