Last week I started to blog about an article I read recently in the New York Times, “The Happy Marriage is the ‘Me’ Marriage,” by Tara Parker-Pope. She cites researchers who have looked at the question of what makes a marriage. A Dutch researcher, Caryl Rusbult, found that it was the “Michaelangelo effect,” – partners ‘sculpt’ each other to help them each achieve their goals. US professors, Arthur Aron and Gary Lewandowski, Jr. refer to the concept of ‘self-expansion” – … read more »
What Makes a Good Marriage
I just finished reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s new book, Committed, which is a modern look at marriage. (You know her as the author of Eat, Pray, Love). She has an interesting take on it, in part because she has an international perspective. And she delightfully weaves her personal story with more global views, much of which come from Stephanie Coontz‘ more scholarly research. Marriage for love is a relatively new phenomenon – in the past it was much more about property … read more »
The Sandwich Generation – How Not To Get Smushed
Last time I wrote about my Smith College reunion. Well, another classmate and I led a workshop together about caregiving for our elderly parents. We talked about the challenges that face many of our generation – we love our parents and feel responsible, but have other demands on our lives (work, children, relationships). There were a couple of themes that emerged: How do we set boundaries? Should we move our parents near us, or should we move near them? How … read more »
The Motivation to Mediate (or Collaborate)
Are you sure that you want to mediate or engage in the collaborative process? Is this a process that makes sense for you and your partner? If so, why? People come to mediation for many different reasons. Some want to keep things private, and avoid as much of a public record of their divorce as possible. Others want a chance to tell their whole story, which they know they would not get to do in court or in a process … read more »
Whose kids do you want to send to college?
Whose kids do you want to send to college – yours or your lawyers? I am amazed when I hear how much money people spend on legal fees in a divorce. Perfectly rational people who will go across the street to save a few cents on gas, who will shop at big box stores to get that volume discount, who are smart consumers, will waste thousands of dollars paying their lawyers to prove that they are right. Is it really … read more »