“We are living in a society in which victims are compensated with money.” – Rod Wells
Rod is one of my colleagues on the Board of Directors of the Family and Divorce Mediation Council of Greater New York, and he is also a Financial neutral in mediation and collaborative cases. He stated this at a meeting of the NYS Council on Divorce Mediation a few weeks ago.
If we come to a separation with that mentality, we must show how badly we’ve been wronged, for the worse off we are emotionally, the more we stand to gain financially. It focuses on punishing bad behavior for what has happened in the past.
Is that the collaborative process? No! In the collaborative or mediation process, we are looking to see how we can use the existing resources to get the best outcomes for every member of the family. Or to use the existing resources to increase what is available. (In other words, instead of dividing the pie up, make a bigger pie!) This keeps us focused more in the present, asking the question – what is the best outcome given where we are now?
It’s a whole different mindset!