I’ve done 2 great interviews in the last few weeks!
The first was an amazing podcast interview with Andrea Rappaport and Morgan Stogsdill, Esq. on their podcast, How Not to Suck at Divorce. They were curious about how I handle mediations with high conflict couples. I told them that you don’t have to agree on any of the substantive stuff – only that you will each come to mediation in good faith. And we talked about 3 action steps that you can take while getting divorced, whether you’re in mediation or not. (This is really true for any kind of conflict you are in.)
1. Recognize the difference between dignity and respect. Respect has to be earned but dignity is the human worth that each of us is born with. You don’t have to respect a thing about the other person but they are still worthy of being treated like dignity. (This concept comes from Harvard professor, Donna Hicks.)
2. Realize that the problem is outside of both of you! It is not in you, and it’s not in the other person. And it’s solveable. It’s easy to get caught in blaming, but that might keep you focused on the past, and won’t help you solve the issues you need to solve to move forward.
3. Get as much information as you can. Do your research. You can’t make an informed decision unless you have the tools to make it.
Then I did an Instagram Live interview with the Lisa Johnson at Been There Got Out. Lisa asked good questions! She and her partner, Chris Barry, specialize in supporting people who are going through high-conflict divorces. (They both had the experience.) Their new book, Been There Got Out — Toxic Relationships, High-Conflict Divorce and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances is the first I’ve seen from a lay person’s point of view and looks very helpful. Lisa asked me about domestic violence screening in mediation (38), involving children in mediation (20), how to find a good mediator (17), and a terrible story about how mediation can be used as a part of litigation abuse.
(For some reason, Instagram only shows you how to measure reels by how far the moment is from the end, not how much you’ve heard already.)
I’ll write more about this soon…