A few months ago I printed a wonderful quote from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. about the contributions that jazz makes to humanity. That touched me, particularly coming from a minister, because there are some who have said that jazz is antithetical to religion. I have been listening to jazz since I was a teenager, and have been trying my hand at it (on the flute and on the piano) for a few years. Still amateur, for sure, but trying. … read more »
What Makes a Good Marriage? II
Last week I started to blog about an article I read recently in the New York Times, “The Happy Marriage is the ‘Me’ Marriage,” by Tara Parker-Pope. She cites researchers who have looked at the question of what makes a marriage. A Dutch researcher, Caryl Rusbult, found that it was the “Michaelangelo effect,” – partners ‘sculpt’ each other to help them each achieve their goals. US professors, Arthur Aron and Gary Lewandowski, Jr. refer to the concept of ‘self-expansion” – … read more »
What Makes a Good Marriage
I just finished reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s new book, Committed, which is a modern look at marriage. (You know her as the author of Eat, Pray, Love). She has an interesting take on it, in part because she has an international perspective. And she delightfully weaves her personal story with more global views, much of which come from Stephanie Coontz‘ more scholarly research. Marriage for love is a relatively new phenomenon – in the past it was much more about property … read more »
A Lesson from Tangier
I just came back from vacation in Spain. As part of our adventure, my husband and I took a train from Sevilla to the south coast, and a ferry across the Strait of Gibraltar to Tangier, Morocco. We only stayed overnight, but in that short time, I learned a lesson. The guidebooks warn you about the hustlers who see the tourist as an easy target. For that reason, many tourists only come for a day trip, hiring guides in advance … read more »
Elder Decisions
My mediation partner, Jane Ginsberg, PsyD, and I, led two workshops on Cape Cod this week regarding elder decisions. Both workshops were well attended, both by caregivers and by elders themselves. I was amazed to see how quickly people opened up to us and to each other. Some of their concerns were logistical – for instance, about where they might live, or whether they should still drive. There were also concerns about being lonely, and about the ongoing grief of … read more »
Compassion and Mediation
I am taking a course this weekend from Zoketsu Norman Fisher – a Zen Buddhist priest, and a teacher of meditation. In preparation, I read an article he wrote entitled, “Developing Compassion.” He writes, “to be narrowly self-interested and self-identified is simply a very dangerous and unhappy way to live – the wider your interest and larger your sense of identity, the happier and the stronger you will be.” And this reminds me of words of my mediation teachers, Jack … read more »
Are You Being Heard?
A visitor to Jerusalem goes to the Wailing Wall. He sees a rabbi there, praying. He asks the rabbi what he is praying for. “Peace in the middle east,” the rabbi says. “How long have you been praying?” our visitor asks. “Every day for 25 years!” “And how is it going? Do you think we are making progress?” our friend asks. “It’s like talking to a wall!” The rabbi exclaims. I’ve noticed that one of the most powerful aspects … read more »