I recently got an inquiry from someone who wanted to write a will leaving everything to one of her children, but not the other. They were both under 18. Was this legal? she asked. Her younger child was being raised by his father and step-mother, and they were well off. She hadn’t seen him in years, and had no relationship with him, although she was paying child support, which was taken out of her check bi-weekly. She greatly resented having … read more »
A Children’s Bill of Rights for Divorce
I read a custody case today which incorporated a Children’s Bill of Rights into her decision. MMH v William D.H. (Fam Ct, Dutchess Co, 3/5/10). While I have seen the Bill of Rights incorporated into separation agreements, I’ve never seen it incorporated into a judgment. I started to scout around and found several slightly different versions on the internet – from divorcehq, one written on about.com, kids in the middle, divorce central. But my favorite, for its completeness and simplicity, … read more »
Elder Decisions
My mediation partner, Jane Ginsberg, PsyD, and I, led two workshops on Cape Cod this week regarding elder decisions. Both workshops were well attended, both by caregivers and by elders themselves. I was amazed to see how quickly people opened up to us and to each other. Some of their concerns were logistical – for instance, about where they might live, or whether they should still drive. There were also concerns about being lonely, and about the ongoing grief of … read more »
Divorce Mediation, NY Times Style
Recently, the New York Times published an Op-Ed piece, written by Prof. Stephanie Coontz, about the proposed legislation permitting no-fault divorce in New York State. The article, entitled Divorce, No-Fault Style, points out that New York State is the only state that requires fault, making it more difficult for couples to get divorced. But it is the last 2 paragraphs that I found to be the most important, because they are about divorce mediation. Here is my favorite quote, citing … read more »
The Sandwich Generation – How Not To Get Smushed
Last time I wrote about my Smith College reunion. Well, another classmate and I led a workshop together about caregiving for our elderly parents. We talked about the challenges that face many of our generation – we love our parents and feel responsible, but have other demands on our lives (work, children, relationships). There were a couple of themes that emerged: How do we set boundaries? Should we move our parents near us, or should we move near them? How … read more »
The Next 10 – or 20 – or 30 Years
I went to my {gulp} 30th Smith College reunion last weekend (OK, I’ll upload a photo separately). Jill Ker Conway spoke to our class — she’d been president of the college when we were there. She said that we should not look forward to retiring at the age of 62, or 65 — those numbers were established as retirement age when the life expectancy was about 68. But now the life expectancy is much longer – and we should expect … read more »
The Elders
I’m so excited! This week I learned about a whole new way to use mediation – to help families make decisions together when an elderly parent can no longer take care of herself, or drive, or live alone. Or when the siblings are trying to decide what to do with the summer house, or how to divide up the stuff Dad left … The training was taught by Arline Kardasis and Blair Tripp from Elder Decisions/Agreement Resources in Massachusetts. They … read more »