There are several articles in today’s NYTimes that reflect a change in today’s families, on this Father’s Day, 2011: A front page article about President Obama’s evolving views of gay marriage. Baby Makes 4, And Complications – A long and very personal portrait of a Park Slope mother, child, sperm donor/father and his partner. How Divorce Lost Its Groove, about the attitudes young people have toward divorce, and how they are trying to make it gentler on their kids — … read more »
What Makes a Good Marriage? II
Last week I started to blog about an article I read recently in the New York Times, “The Happy Marriage is the ‘Me’ Marriage,” by Tara Parker-Pope. She cites researchers who have looked at the question of what makes a marriage. A Dutch researcher, Caryl Rusbult, found that it was the “Michaelangelo effect,” – partners ‘sculpt’ each other to help them each achieve their goals. US professors, Arthur Aron and Gary Lewandowski, Jr. refer to the concept of ‘self-expansion” – … read more »
What Makes a Good Marriage
I just finished reading Elizabeth Gilbert’s new book, Committed, which is a modern look at marriage. (You know her as the author of Eat, Pray, Love). She has an interesting take on it, in part because she has an international perspective. And she delightfully weaves her personal story with more global views, much of which come from Stephanie Coontz‘ more scholarly research. Marriage for love is a relatively new phenomenon – in the past it was much more about property … read more »
A Lesson from Tangier
I just came back from vacation in Spain. As part of our adventure, my husband and I took a train from Sevilla to the south coast, and a ferry across the Strait of Gibraltar to Tangier, Morocco. We only stayed overnight, but in that short time, I learned a lesson. The guidebooks warn you about the hustlers who see the tourist as an easy target. For that reason, many tourists only come for a day trip, hiring guides in advance … read more »
Which Way Are You Facing?
One of the hardest and most important tasks in working with a couple is to get them to turn around. They almost always come in, facing each other, arguing. They see the other person in front of them, and often they are furious. All they can see is what that person has done to them, all they can feel is the loss and rage inside that that person has caused. And then there are the logistics to work … read more »
Obama and Mediation
“In the end, then, what is called for is nothing more, and nothing less, than what all the world’s great religions demand – that we do unto others as we would have them do unto us. Let us be our brother’s keeper… Let us be our sister’s keeper. Let us find that common stake we all have in one another, and let our politics reflect that spirit as well.” — Barack Obama, Philadelphia, PA, March 18, 2008. Mediation is built … read more »