As the old song goes, romance without finance is a nuisance!
But romance with finance can lead to some sticky situations. And sometimes, those sticky situations can lead to divorce. What do couples fight about when they’re fighting about money? This is totally anecdotal, but I’ve seen it in several different ways. I’ll give examples I’ve seen, with a theoretical couple, Chris and Devon:
Financial trauma
Chris, who was supporting the family while making $500,000 a year, lost their job. Chris and Devon disagree about how to get back on a financial footing.
Non-communication about marital expenses
Chris doesn’t tell Devon that they withdrew half of their retirement account to pay the family’s credit card bills. This incurred a large tax penalty.
Non-communication about marital expenses
Chris doesn’t tell Devon that they withdrew half of their retirement account to pay the family’s credit card bills. This incurred a large tax penalty.
Financial infidelity
Chris starts taking $10,000 a month from the ATM to support and hides it as long as possible. Devon never finds out where the money was going.
Feelings of unfairness
Chris and Devon agree to split household expenses 50/50 when they are both earning the same. Chris doesn’t tell Devon when Chris’s income doubles. Devon feels betrayed when s/he finds out.
Different values of money
One is a spender and one is a saver. Chris, who has depleted their savings, suggests that they dip into Devon’s savings to see Chris’ family.
These are all very difficult circumstances to negotiate!
In situations like these (or when finances are especially complex), I often suggest that couples use a neutral divorce financial planner. (Of course, the challenge is that couples on a tight budget often feel that they don’t have the funds to hire one!). Another possibility is to use a financial therapist, who may either have a background in financial planning or in mental health.
The key, of course, as the New York Times recently reported, is to communicate early and often. Prevention is the best medicine!
📸 via @jazzmiron (YouTube)