I recently had the privilege of being interviewed by my colleagues, Isaiah Vallejo-Juste, Esq. and Meredith Shirey, LCSW for their podcast, Love Me or Leave Me.Isaiah is a divorce litigator, and Meredith is a couples therapist. I have a lot of respect for them both–we all work with NewYork City families, but approach our work in different ways. I thought they did a great job distilling my comments and getting to the heart of what mediation is and how I … read more »
What is a QDRO?
What is a QDRO? A Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO – pronounced Quad-roh) has to do with the division of a retirement account in a divorce. So let’s break this down: Retirement accounts (or at least the parts that grow during a marriage) are considered to be marital property, and will usually be divided between the spouses upon divorce. Qualified plans are qualified for special tax treatment. This applies to Individual Retirement Accounts (IRAs), pensions, 401(k) and 403(b) accounts, etc. … read more »
Why You Need Reviewing Attorneys When You Mediate Your Prenup!
Sam recently called me up and asked if I could mediate his prenuptial agreement. “Sure,” I told him. “But you will also each need a lawyer to review the draft.” “Why?” He asked. “We’ve already talked about everything. We agree. All you need to do is write it down.” I understood why he bristled. Who wants to complicate things? Who wants lawyers (or the state, for that matter) to be involved with private, family agreements? Prenups are funny kinds of … read more »
A Few Words About the 2021 Expanded the Child Tax Credit
Parents, take note! Starting in the middle of July, many American families will receive six monthly payments of up to $300 per month for each child under 6 and $250 per month for each child ages 6-17. (Note that these credits start to phase out for individual taxpayers who earn over $75,000 and those who are married and filing jointly who earn more than $150,000.). (You can use a calculator here to find out how much your family might get.) This … read more »
It’s Too Darn Hot!
The other day I was on the phone with a friend who was in the Napa Valley. All of the sudden, we got cut off and couldn’t connect back for a long while. When she finally was able to call me back, she said, “My phone was too hot! It said I could make emergency phone calls only.” It was 103 degrees there!! Ahh, climate change! What if we had the same kind of internal emergency warning sign when our … read more »
Lawyers Make Things Worse!
“Lawyers make things worse!” I sometimes say to my clients. “They can take people who are this far apart,” I say with my hands about 4 inches away from each other, “and make them this far apart by the time they’re through!” continuing with my hands still facing each other but my arms stretched about 3 feet away. This may seem like blasphemy coming from a lawyer! And I mean no disrespect to my colleagues – but it’s part of … read more »
Learning and Teaching
I just finished teaching Family Law for the third semester in a row at the CUNY School of Law. Every semester, I learn almost as much as I teach. It is a pleasure to have a beginner’s mind, as they say – to remember what it is like to NOT know. CUNY students are particularly inspiring – many are going back to school after or while they are working, and there is always a wide range of life experiences … read more »
Seeing Red
Did you ever get in an argument with someone that was so intense that you couldn’t see a way out? Did you ever do things in a moment of rage that you regretted later? The emotions seem to take over. I certainly have. When I was young, I was hot-headed! I’ve done things I am not proud of. And I’ve seen it with clients, too. In fact, one such incident was the reason I got interested in mediation. About 16 … read more »
You Might Have more in Common with Bill and Melinda Than You Think…
Bill and Melinda Gates recently announced that they are divorcing after 27 years. Besides having to address their billions of dollars and their enormously influential foundation, this has brought attention to issues of a mature (or “gray”) divorce. Like many other couples, they waited until their youngest child is about to go off on her own. And they, like so many others, have to plan for a very different future. Divorcing later in life comes up more often than you … read more »
Mother’s Day 2021
Today is Mother’s Day, 2021. I am thinking about what it means to be a daughter to my mother, and a mother to my daughter. I am thinking about my grandmother, Ida, who taught me about unconditional love and hard work, and about my other grandmother, Cecile, who taught me how to express your love through cooking and knitting. I think about the ways I mother my nieces and nephews, my young friends, and about those who have mothered me … read more »
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