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We Hear What We Want to Hear!

March 10, 2020 By Joy Rosenthal

Two business women having a casual chat or discussion in the city perhaps on their lunch break. Shallow depth of field.

But how did you flunk the test? We studied together! I know you were prepared!” Katie and I were study buddies during our first semester in law school. I had no idea what to expect on the exam, and I had been worried. But Katie had been so confident. She and I had gone over all of the cases for our Constitutional Law class, which focused on the civil rights cases. She knew the facts, the holdings and reasoning that … read more »

Filed Under: Mindfulness, Negotiation Tagged With: Communication, listening, mediation

Power to the People!

September 12, 2019 By Joy Rosenthal

Close up.business partners give each other a fist.

A big change is coming to the New York State court system. Starting this fall, all New York State courts will work on a system of “presumptive mediation,” which means that it will be assumed that every civil case filed can be resolved using Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) e.g. mediation, arbitration or early neutral evaluation. Instead of having to opt in – to affirmatively decide to mediate — parties may opt out. Think of the difference between being presumed innocent … read more »

Filed Under: Clients, Divorce, Mediation, Negotiation, Nonviolence Tagged With: Abby Tolchinsky, Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR), arbitration, early neutral evaluation, Ellie Wertheim, Family Law, mediation, New York State courts, presumptive mediation

What Happens in the Mediation Room?

July 11, 2019 By Joy Rosenthal

What Happens in the Mediation Room? by Joy Rosenthal

I ask both parties to come in for an introductory meeting when they inquire about divorce mediation. I am not a fancy person. I look professional, but I don’t often wear suits in the office. I try not to use big words, and to explain things in English, rather than legalese. I don’t think my job is to scare clients — in fact, I try to reassure them that they can get through the process, because they can. And our … read more »

Filed Under: Clients, Divorce, Families, Mediation, Negotiation Tagged With: Deciding to Divorce, divorce mediation, mediation, Mediation Process, Mediator

Facing Your ‘Other’

December 11, 2018 By Joy Rosenthal

Facing Your 'Other' by Joy Rosenthal

  When I mediate, I am sometimes struck by the fact that our lives can be profoundly affected by  the actions of others. It can be frustrating to think about our lives being out of our control. I am happier when I focus on what we can control — particularly our own thoughts, our attitudes, and our actions. Of course, change is difficult, but certainly possible. I have used my thoughts and actions at critical points to change the course … read more »

Filed Under: Families, Happiness, Mindfulness, Negotiation Tagged With: Empathy, Jacqui Lewis, mediation, Middle Collegiate Church, Revolutionary Love, Tolerance

Just Listen

October 19, 2018 By Joy Rosenthal

Just Listen by Joy Rosenthal

I write this on my way back from a conference in Washington, DC for the Project for Integrating Spirituality, Law and Politics (PISLAP) entitled, “Fostering Human Connection in an Era of Alienation.” One workshop I attended there, led by John Spiegel and Judith M. Glasser — and based upon the work of Nancy Kline — was called “Souls in Action: Using ‘Generative Attention’ to Resolve Conflicts.” Their assertion is that attention is a creative act, and that we can help … read more »

Filed Under: Happiness Tagged With: John Spiegel, Law and Politics (PISLAP), listening, mediation, Nancy Kline, Project for Integrating Spirituality

Implicit Bias

June 19, 2018 By Joy Rosenthal

Implicit bias by Joy Rosenthal

“What will you do about your implicit bias?” Jennifer asked me as she sat across the table. She, a woman of color, was in my office with her husband, a white man, for an introductory session to discuss using mediation as a process for their divorce. Hers was a fair question. And it was one I have never been asked before. “Are you familiar with the concept?” she continued, apparently expecting me to say that I wasn’t. “I was a … read more »

Filed Under: Collaborative Process, Cultural Competence, Mediation, Negotiation Tagged With: #metoo, Implicit Bias, mediation, Neutral Mediator, Stereotypes

Siri Is Not a Mediator! (Neither Is Alexa!)

February 19, 2018 By Joy Rosenthal

Siri Is Not a Mediator! (Neither Is Alexa!) by Joy Rosenthal

Recently The New York Times reported about the formation of an online divorce service called “It’s Over Easy” (“Angelina Jolie’s Lawyer Now Offers Quickie Divorces Online,” by Amy Sohn, February 4, 2018). This service is essentially an online questionnaire that is filled out by one or both parties and creates the documents needed to divorce in California and New York, with plans to expand to a few other states. While the founder, Laura Wasser, is a celebrity lawyer, it is … read more »

Filed Under: Divorce, Mediation Tagged With: divorce, Laura Wasser, mediation, Mediator, Online Divorce Service, Quickie Divorce

I Hear You

August 31, 2017 By Joy Rosenthal

I Hear You by Joy Rosenthal

“I hear you.” Listening is a very simple act. It’s a subtle act. It is something that we do naturally with the people we love, and when things are going smoothly. Yet one of the most powerful statements that we can ever make is to say honestly, “I hear you. I recognize what you’re going through.” What is listening? Being open to hearing not only the words the speaker is saying, but also to her tone of voice, to read … read more »

Filed Under: Divorce, Mediation Tagged With: collaborative process, divorce, divorce mediation, family, hearing, listening, mediation

Moving Out?

August 8, 2017 By Joy Rosenthal

Moving Out? by Joy Rosenthal

New York City is a notoriously expensive place to live. Its housing market can create unique opportunities and challenges for couples who are getting divorced.    This may come up when a couple is living in an apartment that is rented below market rate — the spouse who is moving out will have to pay a much higher rent and therefore might need more cash to meet the monthly budget. It is always a challenge to stretch a budget over … read more »

Filed Under: Divorce Tagged With: divorce, divorce mediation, mediation, moving out, planning

Why Do I Love What I Do?

July 11, 2017 By Joy Rosenthal

Why do I love what I do? by Joy Rosenthal

Our families grow and change over our lifetimes. We transition from the family we were born into to the ones we create. We form different types of families by falling in love, by having babies, by adopting children, by divorcing, by being step-parents, by having (or being) God parents, or by treating extended family like our own. Our children grow up and leave, our parents may move in with us. As a result, the idea of the nuclear family is … read more »

Filed Under: Adoption, Divorce, Families, Mediation Tagged With: Adoption, collaborative process, divorce mediation, family, mediation, pre-nup

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Joy S. Rosenthal, Esq.
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