I ask both parties to come in for an introductory meeting when they inquire about divorce mediation. I am not a fancy person. I look professional, but I don’t often wear suits in the office. I try not to use big words, and to explain things in English, rather than legalese. I don’t think my job is to scare clients — in fact, I try to reassure them that they can get through the process, because they can. And our … read more »
Law School 101
American law is created in two ways — by statute and by case law. Statutes are proposed and drafted by legislators for that jurisdiction, and other government rules and regulations are drafted by the agencies that are charged with running them. Most laws about family relationships are state laws. The statutes that relate to divorce, separation and children are mostly found in the New York State Domestic Relations Law (DRL) and in the Family Court Act (FCA). These are texts … read more »
Making a Better Child Support Agreement
A few months ago, I wrote a few notes about spousal maintenance. Today, I’d like to write a few notes about child support that I think are important to keep in mind. I gave a basic overview of child support last year, but I thought I would take the time to write about it again, since this is such an important part of any separation agreement. (You’re learning along with my students!) The Child Support Formula In an effort to … read more »
What’s Fair Is Fair… Or Is It?
“I only want what is equitable. That is my operating principle,” Raymond explained as he sat across from me the first time we met. His wife, Lenore, looked intensely at him. “But what you consider to be equitable is not fair to me,” she said quietly. ‘What was going on here?’ I wondered. I’d only met them for a few minutes, but I could see already that they might have some fundamental differences of opinion — in fact, they might … read more »
A Few Notes About Spousal Maintenance…
As you know, an important component of many divorces is the extent to which one person will pay alimony (also called spousal maintenance) to the other — if at all. This often comes up when one spouse has taken time out of the workforce, or when his or her standard of living is likely to decrease significantly upon divorce. The purpose of spousal support is to provide the payee support and give that spouse time to retool so he or … read more »
Why Do I Want You to Stay in the Room?
I want to say a word about neutrality, which is a very important concept in mediation. The role of a mediator is to act as an intermediary between the parties, and to help the parties reconcile conflict. How the mediator does that can vary a lot, depending on the type of conflict the parties have, the style of mediation used, and, of course, the temperament and experience of the mediator. One of the big differences between mediation and arbitration is … read more »
R-E-S-P-E-C-T — Find Out What it Means to Me!
I write this just days after the death of the infamous Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin. Hers was the voice of a generation — my generation — but she meant so much more. While it is difficult to imagine a world without her, I am grateful for her music, which will live on. From my perspective, Aretha’s most influential song was “Respect,” written by Otis Redding. As Wesley Morris wrote in her obituary, she turned the song — and the … read more »
Divorce Made Simple
From a practical standpoint, the actual divorce process is pretty simple. What Topics Need to be Addressed? There are four or five main areas to be decided in a divorce mediation (some of which may not apply to your particular situation): 1. How will you divide up what you own together? The first step here is to identify what is separate property and what is marital. Separate property typically includes property you owned before the marriage and property you inherit. … read more »
Implicit Bias
“What will you do about your implicit bias?” Jennifer asked me as she sat across the table. She, a woman of color, was in my office with her husband, a white man, for an introductory session to discuss using mediation as a process for their divorce. Hers was a fair question. And it was one I have never been asked before. “Are you familiar with the concept?” she continued, apparently expecting me to say that I wasn’t. “I was a … read more »
Walking the Tightrope Without a Safety Net
“But what am I going to do without my net?” Rob looked bereft. He knew, intellectually, that he wasn’t entitled to his wife’s family’s money. He knew that he and Sheila were getting divorced — after all, they both had moved on and were seeing other people. Rob also knew that he was a grown, healthy man who had been working hard and making a living for many years. He had built his catering business from the ground up. The … read more »