In early February, before the whole world turned upside-down, I traveled to a tiny village on the Pacific coast of Mexico to attend an intensive, week-long training for conflict resolution professionals from around the world. Led by master trainer Gary Friedman of the Center for Understanding in Conflict and Zoketsu Norman Fischer of the Everyday Zen Center, the program was called Inside Out: Conflict and Compassion. We were there to look deeply at our reactions to the conflicts we witness … read more »
Love in the Time of Coronavirus
Coronavirus is showing us how incredibly connected we ALL are. Who knew that we are only six degrees of separation from the good people of Wuhan, China? Or that Italy, South Korea, Japan and Iran are actually neighbors? We are all, actually, so close. And, of course, we are learning that the virus does not seem to care who is rich or poor, what race or religion we are, who we love or what we believe. What matters is that … read more »
… And the wisdom to know the difference
At the start of this new year and this new decade, it seems like a good time to take a self-assessment and to think about my goals for the new year. I am asking myself, “What can I change in my life, and what can’t I?” Then I ask, “What do I want to change so I can meet my goals?” There are so many things that we cannot change — for instance, we cannot change the things that happened … read more »
Hold Your Grudges!
“But you had an affair!” “But you started drinking … again!” What is a grudge? The Oxford Dictionary website defines it as ‘A persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a past insult or injury.’ As you can imagine, nearly everyone who walks through the doors of my office to get divorced has a grudge or two in their pocket. I’m sure some are well deserved. Certainly, past insults and injuries are what lead to divorce in the … read more »
What’s Your Story?
“If you are not writing your stories, your stories are being written by others.” – Wajahat Ali “The world is made up of stories, not atoms” – Muriel Rukheyser We are winding down the spring semester Family Law class at CUNY Law School. Last week, in our class about domestic violence, I showed the students a documentary, Crime After Crime1. It’s about Debbie Peagler, who participated in the murder of her boyfriend after he brutally abused her all through her … read more »
Facing Your ‘Other’
When I mediate, I am sometimes struck by the fact that our lives can be profoundly affected by the actions of others. It can be frustrating to think about our lives being out of our control. I am happier when I focus on what we can control — particularly our own thoughts, our attitudes, and our actions. Of course, change is difficult, but certainly possible. I have used my thoughts and actions at critical points to change the course … read more »
The Power of Dignity
A few months ago, I had the pleasure of giving a Continuing Legal Education presentation on the Dignity Model with attorney-mediator colleagues Teresa Calabrese and Andrea Hirshman. Here is a clip from it, where I am talking about the concept that we ALWAYS have dignity — no one can take it away, no matter how badly they treat us. It is an important part of negotiation— you have to honor your own self-worth before you can honor that in others. … read more »
Just Listen
I write this on my way back from a conference in Washington, DC for the Project for Integrating Spirituality, Law and Politics (PISLAP) entitled, “Fostering Human Connection in an Era of Alienation.” One workshop I attended there, led by John Spiegel and Judith M. Glasser — and based upon the work of Nancy Kline — was called “Souls in Action: Using ‘Generative Attention’ to Resolve Conflicts.” Their assertion is that attention is a creative act, and that we can help … read more »
R-E-S-P-E-C-T — Find Out What it Means to Me!
I write this just days after the death of the infamous Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin. Hers was the voice of a generation — my generation — but she meant so much more. While it is difficult to imagine a world without her, I am grateful for her music, which will live on. From my perspective, Aretha’s most influential song was “Respect,” written by Otis Redding. As Wesley Morris wrote in her obituary, she turned the song — and the … read more »
Families Belong Together
On June 30, I joined about 30,000 others in Foley Square in Manhattan to protest the detention of the over 2,300 children who have been ripped away from their parents at the southern US border — many of whom are under 10 years old. Some are housed in large tents, some in converted warehouses. Some are scattered thousands of miles away from their parents — to 17 states, including New York. Yet, these kids have done nothing wrong. Their parents, … read more »