“But you had an affair!” “But you started drinking … again!” What is a grudge? The Oxford Dictionary website defines it as ‘A persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a past insult or injury.’ As you can imagine, nearly everyone who walks through the doors of my office to get divorced has a grudge or two in their pocket. I’m sure some are well deserved. Certainly, past insults and injuries are what lead to divorce in the … read more »
Count Basie Lives!
For the last 6 years, I have been honored to be the Trustee of the William J. “Count” Basie Trust. An American icon, Count Basie was one of the greatest bandleaders of all time. Count Basie changed the jazz landscape and shaped mid-20th century popular music, earning the title “King of Swing” because he made the world want to dance. The Trust’s property included all of the Basie family’s personal possessions which we recently transferred to Rutgers University’s Institute of … read more »
Dignity
I am currently re-reading a book called Dignity: Its Essential Role in Resolving Conflict, which I found to be almost life-changing, by Donna Hicks, PhD. I had the wonderful opportunity to study with Dr. Hicks at Harvard Divinity School in January, and heard her again recently when she was speaking in New York City for ODN New York and Latino Justice. Anne Gibbons did a graphic map as Donna was speaking, a photo which accompanies this blog post. She did … read more »
Collaborative Law: A Different Way to Divorce
The media often portray divorce with ex-spouses lawyered up as courtroom adversaries — the same folks who once pledged to hold each other through better or worse now as mortal enemies fighting over the turf of their children’s hearts and minds. Going through a divorce can be a challenging, trying process. The reality is that divorce is usually much more complicated and nuanced. Most clients I see are sad and confused and grieving and tender and thoughtful and hurt … read more »
10 Rules for Being a Successful Fiduciary
Family Affaires published my article on being a successful fiduciary this week -It’s a wonderful group blog that is chock full of information about caregiving and about life’s transitions, such as divorce. I am a regular contributor. Here is a quick preview! One of the most intimate positions you can have is to be trusted to handle someone else’s finances. This is called being a fiduciary. Generally, the person who names you is known as the Principal, and you are … read more »
Separating – but Not Too Far
I was recently quoted in the New York Times in an article about couples – particularly those with children – who continue to live near each other after they get divorced. While living near your ex is not for everyone, it can have its advantages. For instance, When the children forget something at the other parent’s home, it is no big deal to go get it. Parents don’t have to worry about pick up and drop offs. The children can go … read more »
Our New Calculator!
We are thrilled to announce the launch of our new spousal maintenance and child support calculator, created and updated by my ace paralegal, Andrew Boehmke, under the auspices of Rosenthal Law & Mediation. Not only does it include the provisions of the new New York State maintenance bill, but it also includes other features to make it more user friendly. This calculator, like the last one, includes the text of the actual statute if you click on the § sign … read more »
New NYS Spousal Support Bill
Last week, Governor Cuomo signed a bill that will soon overhaul the way spousal support is established for divorcing couples in New York State. The portions of the bill that deal with temporary spousal support will take effect on October 25, 2015, and the rest will take effect on January 23, 2016. This law establishes a standard for how permanent spousal maintenance is determined – before, maintenance was purely up to a judge’s discretion, and awards were inconsistent. A 2010 … read more »
Upcoming events
Tonight I will be speaking with my dear friend and colleague, Teresa Calabrese, Esq., about planning for incapacity (wills, powers of attorney, health care proxies, etc.) at West Village Houses in Greenwich Village. Next month, another dear friend and colleague, Priscilla Prutzman, of the Creative Response to Conflict and I will do a workshop entitled “How Diversity Can Strengthen Your Practice” at the Association of Professional Divorce Mediators. Very exciting!
Divorcing a Narcissist
The New York Times’ Well Book Club is featuring an interesting book this month about Divorcing a Narcissist. The book, Will I Ever Be Free of You? by Karyl McBride. The Book Club’s There are some fascinating and heartfelt comments on the book club page. My 2 cents is that collaborative practice would be an excellent way to negotiate. What do you think? Have you divorced a narcissist?
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