In my practice, I have observed that when couples divorce, there are actually several layers of separation, each of which requires its own attention. I think of these as the emotional, social, physical and legal divorces. The emotional divorce between spouses, like that of any friendship, often happens over time. People may simply grow apart, particularly those who began their marriage when they were young. They may change their expectations for themselves and for what they want from a partner. … read more »
Law School 101
American law is created in two ways — by statute and by case law. Statutes are proposed and drafted by legislators for that jurisdiction, and other government rules and regulations are drafted by the agencies that are charged with running them. Most laws about family relationships are state laws. The statutes that relate to divorce, separation and children are mostly found in the New York State Domestic Relations Law (DRL) and in the Family Court Act (FCA). These are texts … read more »
What’s Fair Is Fair… Or Is It?
“I only want what is equitable. That is my operating principle,” Raymond explained as he sat across from me the first time we met. His wife, Lenore, looked intensely at him. “But what you consider to be equitable is not fair to me,” she said quietly. ‘What was going on here?’ I wondered. I’d only met them for a few minutes, but I could see already that they might have some fundamental differences of opinion — in fact, they might … read more »
A Few Notes About Spousal Maintenance…
As you know, an important component of many divorces is the extent to which one person will pay alimony (also called spousal maintenance) to the other — if at all. This often comes up when one spouse has taken time out of the workforce, or when his or her standard of living is likely to decrease significantly upon divorce. The purpose of spousal support is to provide the payee support and give that spouse time to retool so he or … read more »
R-E-S-P-E-C-T — Find Out What it Means to Me!
I write this just days after the death of the infamous Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin. Hers was the voice of a generation — my generation — but she meant so much more. While it is difficult to imagine a world without her, I am grateful for her music, which will live on. From my perspective, Aretha’s most influential song was “Respect,” written by Otis Redding. As Wesley Morris wrote in her obituary, she turned the song — and the … read more »
Divorce Made Simple
From a practical standpoint, the actual divorce process is pretty simple. What Topics Need to be Addressed? There are four or five main areas to be decided in a divorce mediation (some of which may not apply to your particular situation): 1. How will you divide up what you own together? The first step here is to identify what is separate property and what is marital. Separate property typically includes property you owned before the marriage and property you inherit. … read more »
Implicit Bias
“What will you do about your implicit bias?” Jennifer asked me as she sat across the table. She, a woman of color, was in my office with her husband, a white man, for an introductory session to discuss using mediation as a process for their divorce. Hers was a fair question. And it was one I have never been asked before. “Are you familiar with the concept?” she continued, apparently expecting me to say that I wasn’t. “I was a … read more »
Joy on “Let’s Talk Divorce!” (Audio)
Divorce Mediator and Collaborative Attorney, Joy Rosenthal, recently appeared as a featured guest on the Impact Makers Radio Show, “Let’s Talk Divorce!” series where she spoke about using a collaborative process for your divorce. Listen to the interview below or click here to listen to it on YouTube. View it on iTunes here. Listen to it on Impact Makers Radio here.
Dividing the Marital Home
One of the things that needs to be decided in a divorce is how you’re going to divide up what you own together, and one of the biggest assets that couples usually own is their home. There are several choices as to what happens to the house (or condo or co-op): You can sell the house and divide the proceeds. You can continue to own the house together, even if one person stays there. You can buy out your spouse’s … read more »
Collaborative Law: A Different Way to Divorce
The media often portray divorce with ex-spouses lawyered up as courtroom adversaries — the same folks who once pledged to hold each other through better or worse now as mortal enemies fighting over the turf of their children’s hearts and minds. Going through a divorce can be a challenging, trying process. The reality is that divorce is usually much more complicated and nuanced. Most clients I see are sad and confused and grieving and tender and thoughtful and hurt … read more »