I want to say a word about neutrality, which is a very important concept in mediation. The role of a mediator is to act as an intermediary between the parties, and to help the parties reconcile conflict. How the mediator does that can vary a lot, depending on the type of conflict the parties have, the style of mediation used, and, of course, the temperament and experience of the mediator. One of the big differences between mediation and arbitration is … read more »
R-E-S-P-E-C-T — Find Out What it Means to Me!
I write this just days after the death of the infamous Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin. Hers was the voice of a generation — my generation — but she meant so much more. While it is difficult to imagine a world without her, I am grateful for her music, which will live on. From my perspective, Aretha’s most influential song was “Respect,” written by Otis Redding. As Wesley Morris wrote in her obituary, she turned the song — and the … read more »
Divorce Made Simple
From a practical standpoint, the actual divorce process is pretty simple. What Topics Need to be Addressed? There are four or five main areas to be decided in a divorce mediation (some of which may not apply to your particular situation): 1. How will you divide up what you own together? The first step here is to identify what is separate property and what is marital. Separate property typically includes property you owned before the marriage and property you inherit. … read more »
Families Belong Together
On June 30, I joined about 30,000 others in Foley Square in Manhattan to protest the detention of the over 2,300 children who have been ripped away from their parents at the southern US border — many of whom are under 10 years old. Some are housed in large tents, some in converted warehouses. Some are scattered thousands of miles away from their parents — to 17 states, including New York. Yet, these kids have done nothing wrong. Their parents, … read more »
Keep Your Enemies Closer
A few weeks ago, I wrote about the book, Dignity, by Donna Hicks. Today I am writing about another important book I’ve read recently, The Opposite of Hate: A Field Guide to Repairing Our Humanity, by Sally Kohn. Sally was my intern many years ago when she was in law school and she was funny, sometimes quirky, and wicked smart. She is a progressive lesbian feminist from Brooklyn, who is also a television commentator. She appeared often on Fox News, … read more »
Implicit Bias
“What will you do about your implicit bias?” Jennifer asked me as she sat across the table. She, a woman of color, was in my office with her husband, a white man, for an introductory session to discuss using mediation as a process for their divorce. Hers was a fair question. And it was one I have never been asked before. “Are you familiar with the concept?” she continued, apparently expecting me to say that I wasn’t. “I was a … read more »
Dignity
I am currently re-reading a book called Dignity: Its Essential Role in Resolving Conflict, which I found to be almost life-changing, by Donna Hicks, PhD. I had the wonderful opportunity to study with Dr. Hicks at Harvard Divinity School in January, and heard her again recently when she was speaking in New York City for ODN New York and Latino Justice. Anne Gibbons did a graphic map as Donna was speaking, a photo which accompanies this blog post. She did … read more »
New York’s Definition of Family Has Grown, Once Again
Some 18 months ago, I wrote about an important decision, Brooke S.B.1, by the New York Court of Appeals, which is the highest court in New York. (You can see that blog post here.) In Brooke, the Court determined that the non-biological mother in a same sex couple had standing to request custody or visitation of the child she helped to raise. The Brooke court found that it was in the child’s best interest to continue that relationship, and found … read more »
Walking the Tightrope Without a Safety Net
“But what am I going to do without my net?” Rob looked bereft. He knew, intellectually, that he wasn’t entitled to his wife’s family’s money. He knew that he and Sheila were getting divorced — after all, they both had moved on and were seeing other people. Rob also knew that he was a grown, healthy man who had been working hard and making a living for many years. He had built his catering business from the ground up. The … read more »
4 Steps for Dividing Marital Property
One of the most important steps in creating a divorce agreement is deciding how you will divide marital (or joint) property. This is called division of assets. Here are the basic steps: Identify all of the property either spouse owns. You must share detailed information with each other, including: Bank account numbers and balances as of a specific date. Be sure to include checking, savings, and brokerage accounts. Retirement accounts like pensions, annuities, stock options, deferred compensation, and bonuses. Do … read more »
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