In the last post, A Few Notes About Spousal Maintenance, I wrote about new considerations that must be made because of recent changes to the federal tax law. Today, I’d like to circle back to explore the purpose and a little bit of the history of New York spousal maintenance laws. Spousal maintenance, or alimony, is a term for periodic and regular support payments from one ex-spouse to the other for a specified length of time. The concept of alimony … read more »
A Few Notes About Spousal Maintenance…
As you know, an important component of many divorces is the extent to which one person will pay alimony (also called spousal maintenance) to the other — if at all. This often comes up when one spouse has taken time out of the workforce, or when his or her standard of living is likely to decrease significantly upon divorce. The purpose of spousal support is to provide the payee support and give that spouse time to retool so he or … read more »
Who Can You Marry?
Happy New Year! I am thrilled to let you know that this coming semester, I will be teaching New York family law at my alma mater, the CUNY School of Law in Long Island City. It is a community of the most amazingly creative, intelligent, and committed students and professors, all dedicated to law in the service of human needs. I am really honored to have this opportunity! Over the next few months, I will use this space to share … read more »
Facing Your ‘Other’
When I mediate, I am sometimes struck by the fact that our lives can be profoundly affected by the actions of others. It can be frustrating to think about our lives being out of our control. I am happier when I focus on what we can control — particularly our own thoughts, our attitudes, and our actions. Of course, change is difficult, but certainly possible. I have used my thoughts and actions at critical points to change the course … read more »
Who Are We?
One of the oddest questions I have to ask when I am preparing adoption petitions or processing divorces is how people identify in terms of religious heritage, race, or ethnicity. The Court requires this information — but it is always more than a little awkward to ask. After all, why should it matter? But it is interesting to hear how clients respond. Some answer quickly, indicating that they have a clearly defined identity, while others respond as though they are … read more »
The Power of Dignity
A few months ago, I had the pleasure of giving a Continuing Legal Education presentation on the Dignity Model with attorney-mediator colleagues Teresa Calabrese and Andrea Hirshman. Here is a clip from it, where I am talking about the concept that we ALWAYS have dignity — no one can take it away, no matter how badly they treat us. It is an important part of negotiation— you have to honor your own self-worth before you can honor that in others. … read more »
Just Listen
I write this on my way back from a conference in Washington, DC for the Project for Integrating Spirituality, Law and Politics (PISLAP) entitled, “Fostering Human Connection in an Era of Alienation.” One workshop I attended there, led by John Spiegel and Judith M. Glasser — and based upon the work of Nancy Kline — was called “Souls in Action: Using ‘Generative Attention’ to Resolve Conflicts.” Their assertion is that attention is a creative act, and that we can help … read more »
Count Basie Lives!
For the last 6 years, I have been honored to be the Trustee of the William J. “Count” Basie Trust. An American icon, Count Basie was one of the greatest bandleaders of all time. Count Basie changed the jazz landscape and shaped mid-20th century popular music, earning the title “King of Swing” because he made the world want to dance. The Trust’s property included all of the Basie family’s personal possessions which we recently transferred to Rutgers University’s Institute of … read more »
Why Do I Want You to Stay in the Room?
I want to say a word about neutrality, which is a very important concept in mediation. The role of a mediator is to act as an intermediary between the parties, and to help the parties reconcile conflict. How the mediator does that can vary a lot, depending on the type of conflict the parties have, the style of mediation used, and, of course, the temperament and experience of the mediator. One of the big differences between mediation and arbitration is … read more »
R-E-S-P-E-C-T — Find Out What it Means to Me!
I write this just days after the death of the infamous Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin. Hers was the voice of a generation — my generation — but she meant so much more. While it is difficult to imagine a world without her, I am grateful for her music, which will live on. From my perspective, Aretha’s most influential song was “Respect,” written by Otis Redding. As Wesley Morris wrote in her obituary, she turned the song — and the … read more »
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