A few months ago, I wrote a few notes about spousal maintenance. Today, I’d like to write a few notes about child support that I think are important to keep in mind. I gave a basic overview of child support last year, but I thought I would take the time to write about it again, since this is such an important part of any separation agreement. (You’re learning along with my students!) The Child Support Formula In an effort to … read more »
What’s Fair Is Fair… Or Is It?
“I only want what is equitable. That is my operating principle,” Raymond explained as he sat across from me the first time we met. His wife, Lenore, looked intensely at him. “But what you consider to be equitable is not fair to me,” she said quietly. ‘What was going on here?’ I wondered. I’d only met them for a few minutes, but I could see already that they might have some fundamental differences of opinion — in fact, they might … read more »
Breaking the News to the Kids
My clients, Luis and Rosa, have the daunting task of telling their four-year-old son about their upcoming separation and divorce. They have asked me for some suggestions about how to tell him. Here are some pointers I’ve gleaned over the years that might be useful for Luis and Rosa — and for you if you ever find yourself in that position. Tips for Parents Talking to Kids About Divorce or Separation Create a safe atmosphere. Call a meeting at home, in … read more »
NY Spousal Maintenance
In the last post, A Few Notes About Spousal Maintenance, I wrote about new considerations that must be made because of recent changes to the federal tax law. Today, I’d like to circle back to explore the purpose and a little bit of the history of New York spousal maintenance laws. Spousal maintenance, or alimony, is a term for periodic and regular support payments from one ex-spouse to the other for a specified length of time. The concept of alimony … read more »
A Few Notes About Spousal Maintenance…
As you know, an important component of many divorces is the extent to which one person will pay alimony (also called spousal maintenance) to the other — if at all. This often comes up when one spouse has taken time out of the workforce, or when his or her standard of living is likely to decrease significantly upon divorce. The purpose of spousal support is to provide the payee support and give that spouse time to retool so he or … read more »
Who Can You Marry?
Happy New Year! I am thrilled to let you know that this coming semester, I will be teaching New York family law at my alma mater, the CUNY School of Law in Long Island City. It is a community of the most amazingly creative, intelligent, and committed students and professors, all dedicated to law in the service of human needs. I am really honored to have this opportunity! Over the next few months, I will use this space to share … read more »
Facing Your ‘Other’
When I mediate, I am sometimes struck by the fact that our lives can be profoundly affected by the actions of others. It can be frustrating to think about our lives being out of our control. I am happier when I focus on what we can control — particularly our own thoughts, our attitudes, and our actions. Of course, change is difficult, but certainly possible. I have used my thoughts and actions at critical points to change the course … read more »
Who Are We?
One of the oddest questions I have to ask when I am preparing adoption petitions or processing divorces is how people identify in terms of religious heritage, race, or ethnicity. The Court requires this information — but it is always more than a little awkward to ask. After all, why should it matter? But it is interesting to hear how clients respond. Some answer quickly, indicating that they have a clearly defined identity, while others respond as though they are … read more »
The Power of Dignity
A few months ago, I had the pleasure of giving a Continuing Legal Education presentation on the Dignity Model with attorney-mediator colleagues Teresa Calabrese and Andrea Hirshman. Here is a clip from it, where I am talking about the concept that we ALWAYS have dignity — no one can take it away, no matter how badly they treat us. It is an important part of negotiation— you have to honor your own self-worth before you can honor that in others. … read more »
Just Listen
I write this on my way back from a conference in Washington, DC for the Project for Integrating Spirituality, Law and Politics (PISLAP) entitled, “Fostering Human Connection in an Era of Alienation.” One workshop I attended there, led by John Spiegel and Judith M. Glasser — and based upon the work of Nancy Kline — was called “Souls in Action: Using ‘Generative Attention’ to Resolve Conflicts.” Their assertion is that attention is a creative act, and that we can help … read more »
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