One of the significant parts of the divorce experience is when the ex-spouse’s parents begin to date others. This affects everyone – the parent who is in the new relationship, the parent who is NOT in the new relationship, and the child. When this comes up in mediation, it’s usually because it was not handled well. So I thought it might be helpful to share a few ideas (culled from the experts*) about how to talk to your kids about … read more »
How to Keep Divorce Costs Down – Even When You Are Litigating
One of the things that amazes me about the divorce process is how expensive it is. Let’s start with the lawyer’s hourly rates. Who charges like that? Your plumber might charge about $150/hour. The car mechanic might charge about the same, or a little less. Therapists charge a lot, and many don’t take insurance. Doctors often charge more, but they do take health insurance. But I don’t know any other service provider who works with individuals who charge $400, $500, … read more »
Finding Joy
I want to let you in on a secret. My name wasn’t always Joy (it was Judy). Nor did I feel joyful. When I was in my 20s, I was in a long and terrible relationship with a woman named Janet who had my head all turned around. I was miserable and couldn’t see a way out. When I DID find a way out, I changed almost instantly. Somehow, in letting go of Janet, I also let go of the … read more »
Financial Empowerment For Women After Divorce
I’ve been working with several couples lately where one spouse makes plenty of money – more than enough to support the family – and the other makes very little, if at all. Stereotypically, of course, it’s a husband who’s earning and the wife who isn’t, but I’ve seen this happen where the situation is reversed, in same-sex couples, both male and female. The lower-earning spouse is usually doing more with the children and managing the household by dealing with bills, … read more »
Does it ever make sense for folks to have joint custody of the pet?
Last week, I wrote about the evolution in thinking about pets in divorce, and the fact that we are thinking of pets less as property and more as members of the family. In fact, New York (among a few other states) now considers the best interests of the pet in pet custody disputes. Today I want to extend that question – would it ever be appropriate to have joint custody of the dog or cat? We often ask children to … read more »
Who gets custody of the dog?
There are several ways in which legal thinking differs from common sense, and one of them has to do with the way we think about our pets. Or at least this was true in New York until recently. Dogs, cats, and turtles were all treated like sofas, chairs, and TV sets – that is, as personal property. The only value they were given (in legal decisions) was their monetary value. But one look at your dog looking at you with … read more »
Helping your kids deal with difficult news
The world has changed in a week – all of the news is about grief, chaos, and fear. And even though it isn’t happening so much here, it feels very close, doesn’t it? How do we talk with our children in such a time? I wanted to share a few resources about how to talk to children about the violence in Israel and Gaza that might be helpful. Dr. Jamie Howard on CBS Morning Show (9 min video) NPR’s Becky … read more »
Rising mortgage rates and upstairs neighbors
Mortgage rates are soaring up to 8%! If you’re not planning to buy a new home, you might be saying “Who cares?” Or you might be gloating a little bit (like I am) thinking, “Wow, I’m so glad I got my mortgage when the rates were low. It’s proof that I’m just brilliant!” But for people who are getting divorced, the rise in mortgage rates has some very real – and sometimes difficult – consequences. Why? The conversation about what … read more »
Greetings from the law firm of Spin, Spin and Spin!
Darryl was a wonderful person, but his outlook on the world was a little akin to Eeyore’s. So back when I was doing criminal defense for kids and was telling him stories about my clients over the dinner table, (“Yes, he stole a pizza delivery bike but he only rode it a few blocks and he’s such a cute little kid.” or “Can you believe the cops arrested her? She only tried to sell them $5 worth of crack!”), he … read more »
A Little Advice From Our Friends…
I got some amazing responses last week from parents who’ve been divorced for a while, so I’m sharing them below. Please share this with anyone who might use the advice! (Warning: this is a little long…) Strategic Holiday Allocation for the Sake of the Kids We remember the divvying up of holidays was fairly simple. Not unemotional, but we really handled it in a way that made sense for everyone, especially the kids. It was really about which holidays were … read more »
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